Odd thought now. What the F*** do I do if I don't kill myself? All the old crap is still there, but if I'm in another city could it get better? Could I ever be something like the person I could have been? It feels funny to think about not living in Scotland anymore(just as we *could* be moving to independence!). The only reason I'm even thinking of this is because of AxiomUltimatum, by the way. She is extraordinary. A couple of days ago I was utterly alone and moving towards a seemingly inevitable end but one decent person can make a difference. The uncertainty of maybe not dying is pretty scary really. I still often feel it would be best to die. Just wanted to note this stuff down, if anyone has any thoughts it would be nice to hear them.