what now...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lav11, Jun 25, 2012.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    well its kind of complicated.. everything always is but heres the story in short..

    im 16, been in and out of hospital with ptsd fot being raped and trying to kill myselg.. i hate hospital.. we last.week i went blind in one eye for no reason.. when i became in severe pain i agreed to go to emergency to get it checked out.. i saw over the days quite a few different people.. which brings me to 3days later.. i was told if things got worse to go back.. Ended up not being able to see a thing in that eye, a severe migrane and unable to.feel my legs that night I agreed to go back to hospital.. I was given a pain killer which i had. Severe reaction to which left me haveing a seizure sort of deal and unable to breathe though mentally. Was fully functional...My youth worker who took me to the hospital told the doctor about my self harm history so the doctor quedtioned me on that and ordered i speak to the psych triage.. Now the psych people were insanely rude and didnt even talk to me about self harm or suicide rather were a complete pain in the but.. Now being insanely sick i ..was unable to sit up i told them this Nd said i needed to.lay down.. They put me in a bwheelchair and parked me in the middle of a hallway for the emergenxy room.. Aggravated i decided to leave, they werent doing any more tests and i couldnt sit any longer.. Now i walked out and passed out at a payphone near the train station 10 mins twalk way.. The cops find me and state. How i look sick and unwell and should go to hospital.. I tell em how i just left and the people at hospital are arseholes.. i tell them who im and they call an ambulance and somewhere amongst all this my youth worker is called..they tell me the Mbulance is comming so i try and leave.. They wont let me.. I lay back down ond.. Ambulance comes and whne i refuse to ansr qqueamstions and get my b/p tested one of the Mbulance guys pin me up against the wall.. I ran offfter anoer while.. Chased by everyone and my youth worker tacklex my and evryone pinned me down and re thw ambulnad ce while the paramedic saying some pretty mean stuff like noone cares abbout me and its just thhdir job.. Secufity giard at the hospital covered my mouth and noss so I couldnt breathe and im yet again covered in bruises

    A few problems with all this.. I never want to speak to Another employee again.. I dont trust them.. I dont trust anyone.. Im svared to die.. Shen I stopped breathing the other night I was petrified..i was so scared everybreath aould be my last and ydt I still want to die soooooo much.i feel uncomfortable ththat the worker told tje doctor about something so personal without my permossion and also the other worker forpinning me dian I hate that tthey made it a mental health issue for leaving hospital when at the time I in no way wantes to or planned to kill myself at that moment in timd . I hate how the paramedic Nd zecurity guard where right noone cares and noaone evsr will

    I hate how because of this I dont wanr to speak to my coumsellor so cancelled my appointment but then again at the same time regret doing so.. I I just need help... I want to die..

    HelP??? :((
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hospitals have people coming in for all sorts of things day and night and it's very easy for a person coming in as a patient to feel like they're being rude, or that they are neglecting. Often too, those involved in that kind of work day in and out develop an ability to sense when someone is negatively perceiving their services and they often react more or less in a way that echos the same negativity in return. Resisting in a situation where law enforcement or medical personnel believe there could be potential for self harm, the situation can escalate quickly and become ugly. A passive approach (you get more honey with sugar kind of thing) often avoids all the bad scenes and cuts to the chase quicker as to resolving healing/wellness.

    Putting that aside, it's understood that you are feeling this way. More compassion to your situation needs to be applied by those trying to deal with it. Remember that the way you feel can be sensed by those around you and it will cause them alarm. Nobody can predict the reaction of others in these circumstances. Sometimes when in these situations, we also misunderstand the intentions or context in which things are said, or in which things are reacted to.

    Healing requires trusting, which in your case I am sure is hard to do. Understood. It may require you to put some of these things aside and reapply yourself to the treatment and services in order to progress. Dying is not the solution, getting better is the only solution that there is. You say you regret canceling your appointment, so stop the regret and set the appointment back up. Focus on the large image and not the details or the actions of others. In the grand scheme, their actions are minor when compared to a lifetime of wellness.
  3. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Hello there, you have certainly been through the wringer the past few days haven't you.
    The way you were treated in hospital was way out of order and not surprised you are suffering. They had no right to pin you down, unless they thought you were being aggressive or a danger to yourself or anyone, doesn't sound like you were. It sunds like they were justmaing the situation worse, in order to get you to react.
    Some people who wear a uniform/badge think they are something special and better than the rest of us, they are not. We are all the same, all equal-period.#

    You have alot going on, I think maybe they were more heavy with you is cos yur 16 and still a minor. I live in UK so dont know much about Australian Law/medical care but over here you would not get forced into anything, actually mental health care and ANY medical care is pretty rubbish.
    How is your eye now, can you see in it now or still blindness there? if so are they treating it or have you just not gone back?
    Do you mind me asking who you live with, do you not have support at home?
    Trauma is bad, being raped is an abomination and totally wrong and sick. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and physical/mental etc, and also n adult survivor of rape, so can get some idea how you maybe feeling.
    You say you dont trust anyone and cancelled appt with counsellor, do you normally get on ok with him/her? How often do you see them?
    If you have noone at home to talk with then its good to have someone, and usually better with someone you dont know, who is impartial.
    In my experience I have had alot of therapy/therapists and got more screwed up, but for some people its a great thing for them. In UK we have limited resources and so you only get a few sessions then dumped, with everything out in the open and each time made me worse. I am hoping that maybe you will go and see your counsellor again, maybe not right now but when the time is right?

    Would you like to share with me through private messages more how you are feeling, or indeed on here, I am sure you will receive more replies.
    The way you reacted at the hospital wasn't mental and if they class that as so then thats bad, you were reacting how anyone would react in those circumstances, so you have done nothing wrong there ok.

    I will leave this for now...............send me a PM if you'd like or respond here..............will try to help if I can.
    Rape leaves terrible ans hideous scars that NOONE can understand about, UNLESS THEY HAVE BEEN RAPED TOO.
    You are strong and probably dont know how strong, take care and will await your response. Sending you a caring hug. xx
  4. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    Hey thanks for the replies.

    I went to inbox you lelantgirl but im on my fone and it wouldnt let me so gll just write here for now.
    Legally no matter my age they can not restrain me and force me to accept medical treatment unless it has to do with mental health. Obviously they didnt want me passed out on the streets and could use mental health as a reason to hold me.
    I dont mind the fact that they werent treating me but more the fact that i told themi couldnt rit and got placed in a wheel chair and put into a hall way. They could of been somewhat nice rather than so mean. And i besides being ill emotionally i felt fine up untili was put in the wheel chair. I didnt misunderstand anything.

    My mother was severly physically and emotionally abusive. I also grew up being sexually assaulted by her boyfriends, friends and strangers. I now live at a crisis youth group home.there is a youth worker here 24/7 but yeah i havf no family support.

    My eye is blurry but is defs better then what it was. I also still have the headaches and all but yeah. One of the docs said just before i left the second time that
    It was because id been so stressed recently. That sometimes when a person gets so stressed they can get phzsical symptoms just happens it included my eye. Kinda ironic how they say its extremely concerning symptoms until they hear about mental ilness and all of a sudden thats wats caused this and nothing to worry about.

    my counsellor is great. I can usually trust her and usually c her once a week...i just dont c the point of tlking to her at the point as i dont feel i can trust her. Evesyone tells everyone everything. How am i meant to talk abot anythiog if every one uses 'safety concerns' for a reason to pass on information g tell them. I signed for permission for all the agencies to talk to each other but i was told. That that was only for major things like if i stop eating for a week or attempt to take my life but its every little detail being passed on.
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