What point is there in *me* continuing to live? Serious quesiton.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Paladin, May 1, 2011.

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  1. Paladin

    Paladin Member

    What point is there in *me* continuing to live? Serious question.

    Hi guys.

    I sit here, thinking about everything that's happened in my life. Everything I've experienced, and everything I've lost.

    I can't honestly come up with one single reason to live. I truly see no point. All I am is a waste of resources that other more worthy people could use.

    Now I will say this -- I am NOT going to commit suicide. I just honestly can't think of a single reason why I should keep living.

    I have nobody. No friends, no family. Nobody wants me around. Nobody. The real pisser here is that I'm an awesome, outgoing, muscular, handsome, easy to get along with guy. Everybody at work likes me. But nobody wants me to be a real, actual part of their lives.

    I'm divorced. She stole my entire family away from me -- they believed all her lies and ignored my side of the story and 100 percent deserted me during the divorce.

    No matter what, despite me being a good guy, I cannot make any actual friends, no women want anything to do with me on a romantic level.

    Day to day I just go to work and do my job. No advancement potential, stuck in the rut of not having enough higher education to find a higher-paying job and being in debt with no means to pay it down or pay for continuing education.

    I just sit on my ass, play video games, hit the gym, and do all the other stuff alone that makes up my day-to-day life.

    Every single moment of it brings pain. So much pain. Nothing but pain. Any fleeting moments of happiness or pleasure are overshadowed by the loss of virtually my entire life. All I get to do now is watch our society and the entire world crumble and collapse knowing there's nothing I can do to stop it.

    I don't have the balls to kill myself, and I don't have the means to improve my situation though I try each and every single day to do just that.

    Maybe you guys could ask me questions? I honestly see no reason to keep living. Like I said, I won't be killing myself, so I'm trapped in a limbo where I wish I was dead, can't improve my situation, and can't end it all.

    It's like I've experienced everything positive I'll ever get in life and had it all ripped away from me. I don't know what to do anymore.

    I'm an anomoly.

    My situation is nonsense, yet it's still the situation that exists.

    Maybe you guys can help me find something worth living for. Maybe you guys can think of something that I haven't.

    Thanks in advance. Looking forward to your thoughts.

    Last edited by a moderator: May 1, 2011
  2. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Well, Paladin, as I see it, despite your divorce, and your displeasure with your social life and job situation, you have not mentioned any reason not to live. Instead, you have described difficulties that you are facing with your family and the people you meet. I hope you can resolve the insecurities you are dealing with, within yourself.

    What do you mean about having to see the world crumbling in front of you?
  3. Paladin

    Paladin Member

    It's not a matter of having specific reasons *not* to live in my case... rather, it is a matter of being out of reasons *to* live. I'm just meandering through life alone, hating every moment of it. No social circle, no support network, no family or friend of any kind to draw strength from or confide in.

    I'm like a car that's run out of gas. Reasons to live being the gas.

    As far as the world crumbling, I am literally watching the United States of America morph into something far worse, far more sinister than Hitler or Stalin could have ever dreamed of right in front of my eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Even simply disagreeing with something that the US Government does gets you labeled as a "Conspiracy Theorist" nowadays.

    I hate this world and don't want to exist in it any longer.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    have you tried therapy?

    I have the feeling that a lot of the issues that you are having can be resolved if you find out what is getting in your way

    it seems that certain parts of your life have just not clicked yet
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    The best thing to improve your life is free, but it will take humility and honesty to do it. You are a human being that makes mistakes, and you can change it is within your power to do so. I would use this alone time to do some soul searching, and priority checking. It doesn't matter if you are a milionare. As we can see through the news money doesn't keep you free of troubles. Women come and go; I would work on what you can and that is you. You can do it. The answers are out there, just look for them.
    When people do not deal with their issues it becomes a chip on their shoulder, and it affects their whole life. You obeviously went through some tough situations, but you can make it through them. Just make the choice to do it; no one is going to do it for you.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am thinking the sane thing. Therapy or cognitive therapy can help you explore reasons to live , have you tried that?
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