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What scares you about relationships?

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#1
There's lots of reasons why I'm reluctant about getting into a relationship. These are some of the things I've gone through to make me feel that way.

~ Being verbally beat down until I was in tears.
~ People trying to make me do things I didn't want to do.
~ Sending pics or sexts or even sleeping with another person.
~ Lying about all kinds of different things.
~ Having their partners contact me when I didn't even know they were in a relationship.
~ Being made fun of, joked about, talked about behind my back. Even having their friends and family shit talk me.
~ Manipulating me in shady ways.
~ Making me feel bad about who I am or making light of my problems.

I'm sure there's more, but that's what I can think of off the top of my head. It's not always romantic partners, but sometimes friends who do things like this to me. I was wondering if anyone else has gone through things like this, and how you learn to trust again. I don't want to be closed off, but it's hard to believe that people won't hurt me.
 

JDot

Believe
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
I believe relationships are bad news. Period. If you want to be miserable, being in a relationship is a great way to do it. The relationship isn't going to last, which defeats the whole purpose. The other person is eventually going to cheat on you eventually. You lose your identity. You can't be yourself in a relationship. You're too busy being who the other person wants you to be. I think the only decent relationship advice is to stay away from them.
 

MAC0

Y.N.W.A
SF Supporter
#3
Most if not all Relationships I have been in have given me feelings of lack of trust also with some I found myself feeling why are they interested in me what are they after a few of time I have found out they were using me for something I also find it hard to let people in to see the real me the nervous sometime scared man I am with friends and girlfriends well to the world I put on what you would called a fake personality that appears more confident and happy because I know deep down no one would be interested in the real me
 

8ght

Well-Known Member
#4
You lose your identity. You can't be yourself in a relationship. You're too busy being who the other person wants you to be.
So true, most people expect you to be someone else for their benefit, it’s is hard to find someone who cares about you when you care about them. It’s ridiculous how most people are nowadays, relationship is a TWO way street, not all about you or them, we help each other. Some just want to use you for money, sex, etc, what’s really scary about a relationship (for both friendship/romantic) is you are really committed from day one, did EVERYTHING for them and BAM they turn on you, which breaches trust and makes you more miserable and sometimes ruines your life. It pisses me off sometimes, sorry about the rant.also sorry if I am being negative not trying to discourage anyone, the good thing about taking your time in relationships is getting to know a person before committing yourself, in (most) cases you can tell warning signs right away.
 
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cymbele

SF Supporter
#5
I've had two decent (at the time) relationships; one ended in divorce. The other occurred after the divorce and it wasn't a match so I let him know I was breaking up and wished him well. Part of the reason for the breakup is after 6 months of dating he professed undying love and I couldn't reciprocate. The second was I am not interested in a physical relationship (sex) but I didn't mind cuddling. Also he was worried what his mother thought of us (at age 59).
One of the boyfriend's complaints about me was that I was too independent. My ex-hubby drilled it into me about being independent although I made decisions he didn't like. I didn't know how to lean on anybody for help because the ex-hubby didn't want me leaning on him. It still pains me to ask for help.
I'm not sure that I'm relationship material. I would like to be but in reality it would not work. I dunno. Maybe I'll die alone.
 

Ziggy

Antiquitie's Friend
#6
If you are going to be a sportsman, you need to be good at sports. If you are going to be a musician you need to be good at playing a musical instrument. So many people fall in love and have kids, yet they are no good at it (such as my parents). I'd be a rubbish husband and a rubbish father. Maybe people were always rubbish at this since are species began but we didn't have media telling us we should be wonderful at it? All we can do is the best we can.

It's a shame relationships focus on me so much, you should be able to enjoy experiencing art, music or travel with another person, but they don't appreciate these things, they just say "oh, you're quiet" and I just then wish I was experiencing these things by myself. But nobody wants to know each other, they just want to know what the weather is like. I'm no good but is anyone else better? If no then that's why I'm single, if yes then they're better off without me. Mash up of ideas there. If you can then do, if you can't then don't? People can achieve with no effort, people fail for no reason. I don't talk to people, you can see why.
 
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Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#7
I guess I'm not too concerned about relationships any longer. Everyone is going to leave me, no matter how much they say they won't. So I'll close off that chapter of my life, and maybe even friendships as well. Not to give up on those I have, but I won't accept any new ones.
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#11
“What scares you about relationships?”

Pretty much all of it. Sometimes I think that being a nice person puts one at risk but I like how I am so there it is.
Yeah, I can relate to this. Being a kind person tends to get the wrong types of people into your life. I've found that narcissists and predators love to take advantage of empaths.
 

MAC0

Y.N.W.A
SF Supporter
#18
Nah i have accepted it not the best looking guy and my nervous issue from my childhood with my drunk father has always kept me from showing the real me and i just put on this fake me as i dint think anyone would want to know the shy emotional scared 90% of the time real me
 

Witty⭐️Sarcasm🐒

Race towards an early grave
SF Supporter
#19
Nah i have accepted it not the best looking guy and my nervous issue from my childhood with my drunk father has always kept me from showing the real me and i just put on this fake me as i dint think anyone would want to know the shy emotional scared 90% of the time real me
Really sorry to hear you are dealing with that. I'm pretty shy and I think scarred from what happened to me as a kid. it's hard to connect with people.
 

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