What scares me the most about relationships in general or trying to start new ones, is I feel I always end up giving more than I take back, which is draining. Like the other person is completely oblivious to it. Also not having the ability to be yourself, to fake it just so they don't think you're a freak. For example, I'm not a very sexual person and felt I've had to hide that fact from just about everyone I've met in my life experiences, young or old. Friends, bosses, co-workers, family, those I've had interests with, etc. I don't like putting up with perpetual rudeness also, I don't do those things(at least I don't think I do), why do you not care when you should?
I've lived in my nice, comfortable, safe, boring, lonely, predictable bubble for about the last four years now, and I ponder which is actually the better of the two; staying in the bubble and not being hurt, yet slowly rotting in my cell while I just become numb to everything around me? Or risking being hurt again trying to start a new relationship, yet risk is the only way to know what could have been? For now I don't know, but I lean towards the bubble because there I can 100% be myself, there is no argument, there is no "I'm not good enough or a freak" feeling, there is no false hope. There's also very little life, unfortunately. Well, I do have a plant...