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What should I do for the rest of my life

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I have finally decided that I am not going to kill myself. I dont wanna get into the mix with "god" and hell and things like that. But I hate my life, Living is a pain. I hate my family and hate the way I look, I am fat and ugly. There is only one thing that makes me a little bit happy and I can never do that becuase my parents take it away from me every chance they get when my grade slips. I dont know why the fuck they care about that becuase its not like my grades are any good enough to go to college. I have no freinds and in my opinion no family. I swear to god i have some problem (ocd and acd are probly what i have.) but I can never talk to anyone about it becuse when i go try and talk to my parents my mom just says stop being crazy and my retarted father just goes with whatever she says. I am just wondering, wat should i do with my life. I am thinking about doing something and going to jail and then I wont have to worry about anything. I hate life so bad and it feels like I am already in hell becuase I cant kill myself and cant live if that kinda makes sense. I hate everyone around me, and I hate myself. I just am praying everyday to "god" that somehow I die.


The biggest loser ever to live.
Hey, I'm in a lot like your position as well. I now mostly think that I will not kill myself as to not mess up my mom and brother for instance, and the possibility and hell and whatever and plus I am scared of death, but I am scared of living as well.
I'm far far far from normal, not raised right, lacking in so so so many things and abilities, my life is really empty and I dunno how I can live the rest of my life when I am so abnormal and messed up. Don't have friends myself, no girlfriend, really empty, absolutely pathetic, loser of a life. I am in college, about to finish two years and haven't made a single friend, just go to class and thats it, no clubs or extra cullicular activites, nothing, and never have in high school either for instance, such a fucking LOSER!!!!

But everyone here keeps saying when there is life, there is hope, I dunno, all I know is that I am depressed and scared and anxious. :unsure: :sad:

I feel you man. We both need help.
I guess I really shouldn't commit suicide huh? I don't want to depress my brother and mom for example but I am so scared of living as well as a fuckup. Waiting for some replies to hopefully cheer me up? I know that I absolutely love computers and videogames for instance, maybe that will keep me going even though its so trivial? I hope if there is reincarnation, I can be reincarnated into a normal person next time. God, this is so depressing, why did this life have to be messed up for me in the first place!?!?!?!?

I'm really sorry KPT Monster that I'm talking more about myself than I am about you, so sorry for being selfish.
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I feel that even if I don't die, with this mentality, I can no longer function as a normal member of society, nor do I want to. Frankly, detatching yourself from this world and living with buddhist monks seems like a cool idea.


I can relate to the both of you. I have also decided suicide is out of the question for me. the God and hell thing and my family. I wonder if life is worse for those of us who force ourselves to keep living, than for those who are either trying or succeed with suicide.

I pray on a nightly basis for God to take me away. I'm not that religious, but I was raised believing in God, and some of that belief is still with me. Not a whole lot though. Of course, my prayers don't get answered.

KPT monster, don't go to jail! That would be worse cuz then you have no FREEDOM and everyone needs freedom, whether you realize it now or not. Freedom is something we all take for granted until we don't have any anymore, then suddenly we realise how much better our lives were just because we had freedom.

Anyways, I wish there was an answer for us. We live because we feel we don't have much of a choice. I would choose death in a heartbeat. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid of hell. There has to be something beyond this life and I want to be there right now!! And if that sux too, then... i dunno, i'll die there too.
I don't know I am depressed, but I try to look up and keep myself going. I think what's hardest for me is that people don't think I am, most of the time I seem like a pretty cheery guy, if abit crass or ill-mannered. Most people don't understand the blunting numbness that depression, but you find ways to go on and persevere. I think the answer is to not look for an out, such as getting thrown in prison or such, but to force yourself to make an out, pull yourself up by your bootstraps as it were.
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