I am having one of those days where I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. I am on disability for at least the next 5 years, so I have time to sort out my mental health. But most people I guess get a chance when their younger to figure this stuff out. I thought I would be dead by 25 so I never made any plans. Now I am 30 and feel like I am having some sort of life crisis. On my good days I wonder what am I going to do? On my bad days I just hope that I will die. All I know about myself is that I am a mother and a wife. I don't know anything else about myself. I don't know who I am. I have had people tell me I should try and become a published poet and artist. But I don't think I am good enough, even though others disagree and at one point I had a fair number of commissions. I am tired of being so poor that we have to live with our in-laws. I feel panicky today, like I need to figure this all out. I feel like I have to, I keep trying to slow myself down but I can't. What am I going to do?