What should I do?

john42076

Active Member
#1
I wonder if anyone has any advice that might help. I'm intensely depressed and I don't have a life. I have no friends, no partner, nowhere to go and nothing to do. I struggle to leave the house, so I'm alone virtually all of the time. The only thing that keeps me going is the next fix, and by "fix" I mean the next cigarette, the next drink or the next orgy of junk food. These things, at least, give me pleasure. They give me something to do, and seem to temporarily dull the pain. But they don't last, and I can never get enough. After years of this, it seems my health is suffering. I have weird sweats, nagging pains, I need to pee all the time, I have a constant ringing in my ears and my vision is often blurry. Worse than that, I've developed skin problems and I look like absolute s**t. This has destroyed whatever was left of my confidence and makes interacting with people impossible, so it seems there really is no way out of this prison.

Every night, when I'm drunk, bloated, nauseous and wheezing, I survey my life with horror and think that if I can just wake up tomorrow and quit all of those things -- claw my way back to health through sheer willpower -- I could begin to build a life worth living. But in the morning I desperately reach for the next fix: how can I get through the day otherwise? How can I get through the next hour without a cigarette, or the evening without a drink? What else is there to make me feel better? As for food, if I eat a moderate, healthy meal, I'm left with too much energy and I cannot sleep. So how do I get through the hours until I can sleep?

Does anyone relate to the above? Does anyone have any advice that could help me get out of this nightmare?
 
#2
Sorry to hear that you are going through this John

I'd recommend getting acupuncture and traditional Chinese herbal medicine. If you are interested in that, I can give you some information about how to find affordable care (acupuncture teaching clinics and community clinics).

You may also be able to get some dietary recommendations from an acupuncturist

If you can't or won't see an acupuncturist, you might want to see a psychiatrist and get a prescription.

I have weird sweats
Is the sweating mostly at night? When does it happen?
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Hi @john42076

I am so sorry for what you are going through but glad you joined us here. Would you try maybe volunteering your time somewhere? That is what I did when I was in your shoes. It's an empty unfulfilling life, you need to make changes or nothing will change. Make a list of 3 things and write them down to do tomorrow no matter how small they are and make yourself do them. Life is tough I know. Maybe try meeting new people, join a club, do you have any hobbies? Just know it doesn't have to be like this forever, its never too late to turn things around, make things to look forward to such as concerts etc.. suicide is never the answer.

wishing you the best x
 

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