What should I do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bob26003, Feb 23, 2008.

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  1. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    OK, I rarely make posts, but last night I made some progress. Unfortunately it was in the wrong direction.

    For the first time in years; probably since I was sixteen, I actually made a plan you could say.

    For that last few years I have had deep depression and suicidal thoughts. But thats just it, they were thoughts.

    Last night I actually made the decision to buy a gun.

    I do not feel as strongly now, but as the day wears on I am sure I will reach that point again. It only seems to get worse.

    Now, alot of you know my experience with Doctors. You know I have been inpatient plenty of times. And you knwo the Doctors refuse to give me the only medications that help me.

    So I am left wondering, What the hell can I do?

    I don't know where to turn. I want help so bad.

    If I tell my therapist or the folks at group I will get committed. And then it will be the same old crap. ie a waste of time.

    I really don't know what to do.
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Bob :sad: I'm really sorry to hear you've reached this point. Usually i would say that you have to mention it to docs etc but I understand that you dont want to do that and i cant make you. So, my advise is to keep yourself as busy at possible. Do things that you enjoy and do all in your power to keep your mind off these thoughts. Eventually, they will fade away and then you will have a clear head and will be able to get the help you need.

    Take care :smile:
  3. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Bob, I wasnt here for your older posts, so i dont know your situation. Can you tell me whats bothering you? Or give me a link to one of your old threads.
  4. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    yeh bob - i haven't been around long either can you give us a quick summary of why you are not being given the treatment that you feel will help you? I understand how difficult it can be to get people around you to start taking urgent steps in your care. My personal battle with drs started 5 years ago...i simply see a lot of them as access to the help i need (e.g. appropriate meds, therapies etc) but you should be getting this treatment!

    Stay safe bob, prehaps we can come up with some ideas to get you into a proper treatment programme??
    ps - i love you care bear picture, its very cute!!
  5. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    OK, here is a previous post of mine


    Life after Xanax?
    Hello. For two yrs. now I have been off of xanax. I was on the medication for probably five yrs.. Before I got taken off the medication I was in College and working. I maintained a 3.4 GPA in the Bio. Ed program. After getting taken off the medication I isolated myself, dropped out of school, and quit work. That was two yrs ago, and although I have been through various meds, things have not improved. I still isolate and I feel as if I am being pushed into oblivion.

    I did abuse the medication. So they were justified in taking me off of it. Yet now, it feels as if I have no hope. Things that I used to enjoy, I dont anymore, and this is pretty much everything. I have no motivation at all now.

    I have given various SSRIs plenty of time, and although they have probably kept me from sinking to the horrible horrible lows, it is not enough. The antipsychotics did not help either, nor the non addictive relaxants which just make me sick.

    For sometime now I have been debating seriously harming myself in an attempt to make them realize that my problem is serious. I am not willing to continue like this. I do therapy, but it does not help. The beauty of everything I no longer see.

    So....... The question is. What now?

    Continue as is. Or do something extreme.

    That is all, thank you.
  6. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Change of medication?

    Have you tried an SSRI with buproprion?

    Hope things get better for you soon
  7. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    Yeah mark, doesn't work. been on that conbo for a couple years now. Been switching SSRIs though.
  8. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear the medications don't seem to be working out for you.

    The only thing that I could suggest is to take up physical exercise if you haven't already and get the body's own natural mood boosters (endorphins) in circulation. It also helps boost neurotransmitters in the brain which make you feel better, should work out well in conjunction with the reuptake inhibitor anti-depressants.

    Learn something new, learn to play a musical instrument, try to make a list of things to try to improve and work through them and take little steps forward, do something to make you feel good about yourself, help other people or join a club and do some sort activity where you interact with other people.

    Hope things get better for you. I'm here if you want to talk feel free to PM me.

    Take care
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Did you actually buy the gun Bob. If so what type of gun did you buy?
  10. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    Mark what a great post.

    As for me, I'm 23 years old and have been seeing my present couselor for over two years now. My psychatrist is one who listens and not just writes a script. I believe if you find the right psych. and show him or tell him these exact posts of what you're going thru, i feel he would be hardpressed but to put you back on what worked for you medication wise.

    I mean exercising is soooo hard. For me it was damn near impossible. But if you get the courage to do something as simple as going outside in your backyard, with a lawnchair and just soaking in the sun. Reading is really hard too i would think for you. Thank goodness for an IPOD. If you can afford one there are free motivational podcasts which are radio shows, and audio books that are fantastic to listen to. I mean life changing here.

    It sucks so bad I'm telling you, I mean words here often don't sink in because you're just seeing posts from people you know nothing about. You can't help but take it as a grain of salt. Skype! it's a voice chat program. Listening to a voice is sooo much better then reading what people type. You get more personal just by learning what a persons personality is like. And if you click with a certain person by voice, it's a life saver. So please consider getting a mic. They are really cheap these days and Skype is free.

    FOCUS! Skype, going outside with a lawnchair and soaking in the sun, and showing THIS exact thread to people who have the professional judgement to make decisions in YOUR best interest.
  11. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Can you switch your doctor? Maybe someone more understanding who will put you back on Xanax?

    You can also call a random doctor/psych center anonymously and explain your situation to them and ask them if your old doctor would commit you or put you back on your old meds based on your current situation.
  12. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    You can also call a random doctor/psych center anonymously and explain your situation to them and ask them if your old doctor would commit you or put you back on your old meds based on your current situation.


    Not a bad idea. thank you
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