What should I do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Apr 11, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I feel as though I should give up on all the things people have told me. I am not getting anywhere. After the other week after i discharged myself I had a letter from the hospital asking me to go back in for an appointment. Well I called them and said to them is there any point in going in as had been before. The person on reception said that I should and then I had a phone call from the person who I saw there last time and she said that they cant help and that I should see my counsellor. it was as though I had called asking for appointment but I called to double check. Then she goes on to say is not clinical depression but more than likely some personality disorder. Well what is it, and now I feel like some crazy person.

    I keep thinking about ending it but then the only thing that keeps me going at the moment is my bf. Things are really good between us at the moment but I feel on edge and as though they wont be like it for long as have had roblems in the past. I shouldnt feel as though I am always walking on egg shells. He doesnt do it to me I suppose it is the way I am.

    So what do I do? I love him so much and I want to marry him next yr. He doesnt cause my problems and I dont want to put him through everything that I do., I feel so sorry for him!
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hiya goldenpsych... i've missed you! where have you been hiding?
    don't be discouraged, it can take a long time to figure out what will work best in terms of getting well. are you seeing the same counsellor as before? i seem to remember that they weren't very effective, likewise your doctor. do you have the strength to find another counsellor and doc? someone who will take you seriously?
    i'm so glad things are going great with your bf -- he sounds like a great guy. could you enlist his help in getting some more supports? i'm sure he'd want to help if he could. how is school going?
  3. Daze&Confused

    Daze&Confused Antiquitie's Friend

    have you talked with you bf about how you feel?
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I dont want my boyfriend to know how I am feeling. As far as he is concerned things are getting better for me and he is happier. I wil not pass my unhappiness on to him it is not fair.

    I have had a really down day today. I am stressing loads and just feel so tired. To top it off I have to be up at 6am tomorrow to go on a stupid training day which is a waste of time and it is on my day off and I need to be doing other things not stupid training. I felt as though I wanna cry all day but I cant.
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Re: What does it mean?

    Stupid training day - a real waste of time.

    Still feeling really down. I am not sure if my medication (venoflaxine) works. If it is making me feel better I would hate to think what it would be like without it.

    My bloke is bck now, got back over a week ago. It is so nice to have him back.I love him so much. My flat mate has noticed that I am not "right" at the moment. Think she had stayed out as she said I am very stressed about little things.

    I am really worried at the moment that I am not grasping reality. I am getting mixed up betwwen what I dream and what I actually do. It is not all the time but occasisonly I will be certain I have done something only to find out from others that I must have dreamt it.

    What does it mean???
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Another crappy week. It is only 2 more weeks til my dissertation is due in and I dnt have a clue what I am doing with it and can not get any help.

    I went to hospital last night. NOthing due to me but I felt like I was dying. I had come home from a night out at about 10.30 with my friend and we were merry not drunk. All of a sudden I felt sick and was sick in the loo. I got rid of my friend as she was making me panic. I could barely stand up and I was vomiting dark blood which freaked me out. I tingelled all over and then kept being sick every 2 mins. The light hurt my eyes and just didnt know what to do. As I was throwing up loads of blood I called an ambulance as I didnt know what else to do. They were really nice to me. The thing is although I was being sick in a bucket I kept flushing it down the loo. When they got there I was only sick one more time, baring in mind I waited about 30mins for them and in this time I was being sick loads. BY the time got to hospital didnt like he light at all. Any way the doc came to see me and he was horrible, I dont think e beleved me with what I was saying. I told him I ached all over and that tingled all over but all he wanted to talk about was why I had been in so mnay times in the past few months.

    I was so scarde as didnt know what was wrong with me. They sent me home after no tests so that worried me, any way it was obvisouly just a migrane. I have never had one before and I really did think something was wrong. I still feel rough today like a cramp feeling in my head and I am fuzzy still. I would not wish migranes on my worth enemy if that is what they are like. I thoughtthey were just bad head aches and when people took time off work for them I thought they were just playing them up a bit.

    I felt I was treated like shit last night. i was scarde and feeling like crap and I was treated as though I had brought it on myself. The doc wanted to ask me questions about why I had been in before but they had nothing to do with it and I politely told him that and asked me what he wanted me to tell him. what did he want from me!!!!
  7. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes people close can help more then theropists. You boyfriend might be able to help you get through this.

    Feel good soon!

  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    golden, i'm so sorry that happened to you at the hospital. i don't get migraines, but a good friend does and she says it's just one of the worst feelings in the world. if you want i can find out what medicine she takes when she gets them - i think she is supposed to take one pill at the sign of first symptoms and it stops them getting worse. i don't think vomiting blood is part of a migraine, though. has your doctor checked you out for ulcers? hope you are feeling a bit better today...
  9. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Feel fine now...physically that is.
    I dont want to invlve my bf as it affects him 2 much so I just let him think everything is ok. The good thing is I haven't cut in a while so he cant see wounds so he assumes things are ok. It is just the emotional wounds that are there which he cant see.
  10. twinkletoes

    twinkletoes Active Member

    You shouldn't, you should tell your boyfriend, if he loves you he will be there for you, because believe me if would give my life to help my girlfriend going through her ED.

    dont leave your beloved not knowing, inform him about your feelings i know its hard and scary but try at least.
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