what should i do?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by dazzle11215, May 7, 2008.

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  1. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have been sitting here drinking and considering my options.

    i am so close to attempting again. in my 'happier' moments i left myself notes for times like these... call the hotline.... go to the hospital... but in my semi-drunk state all i want to do is go down to the river....

    i am so sorry.

    sorry for being such a drama-queen and wanting to post here before i go. sorry for not toughing it out. sorry for not being braver.

    i honestly don't know how i ended up like this. two years ago i had a well paying job in nyc, i had many friends, i owned my apartment.

    now i work part-time as a receptionist, and is as much about getting out of the house in the AM as getting a paycheque. i am filled with such sadness, and all i see ahead of me is an older me, fat, ugly, a loser, pushing my few belongings around town in a shopping cart, talking to myself. sounds bonkers, but that's how i feel.

    i am going to finish this bottle of wine and then make a decision. i have already talked to the hotline tonight. i am supposed to see my therapist tomorrow. i don't know how i will make it through the hours until our appointment.

    thanks for listening
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2008
  2. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    Why don't you try holding on.

    Tomorrow may not be any better, but there's a chance. If you end it all now, you'll never know what the future holds. Nobody knows. Why don't you just go to bed after you're finished your wine? Tomorrow could be a great day :)

    Give life another chance
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi catherine, I only saw your post now, and have just seen you were online a few minutes ago, phew! I am so relieved you are still with us. You should tell your therapist tommorrow how you feel, I have recently noticed that talking to someone directly really helps a lot. Also, I think drinking tends to makes us feel worse, I have stopped drinking and don't think of suicide as much as I used to. If you need to talk hun, feel free to PM me :hug: stay safe Catherine x
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    catherine, you are stronger than this, its the alcohol thats making you feel worse.

    pm me hun if you want to talk, i will always reply.

    stay safe
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    thanks. guys. sorry for the scare.

    yes, i think i need to lay off the alcohol, it just makes those suicidal impulses more tempting, not to mention drinking and posting is never a good idea. ahem. off to see the therapist today.

    i really don't understand what is happening to me.
    i don't understand these terrible mood swings, nor how to make the blizzard in my head stop.

    i hope the therapist can help me figure it iout. thank you again
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just wanted to say thanks, and give you guys a quick update. i went to the therapist, who asked me to go to the hospital (i didn't want to), so instead i went to my gp who said to me 'you can go to the hospital tonight, or you can go in the morning, either way you have to face this and get it sorted'.... so off i went.

    i'm now on a mood stabilizer so we'll see if that helps. i was so scared of the blizzard in my head, but the on-call psych assured me it's a common feeling when heading into an episode of hypomania... she suggested they admit me for a few days until i stabilize but i declined. no arguments from her.

    so it's back to daily check-ins with the mental health nurse and a new prescription.

    thanks again for the responses and PM's, i *so* appreciate them.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun I'm glad to see your post and so happy that you atleast have some things to focus on now. Hang in there and give the meds and docs a chance.
  8. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    im so sorry i didnt see your post before, but im so glad you have got through and you are getting the support you need.
    you are amazing, and you are always there for me - so please pm me if i can ever do the same
    *massive hugs*
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