What should i do?=/

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by maltox, May 25, 2008.

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  1. maltox

    maltox Guest

    I want to die.. But im to afraid to kill myself in other words im a chicken, i cant even cut my self with a knife ive tried.. and i dont want to do anything with my life i just dont see a future i dont want to get a wife and kids i dont want to work, ive dropped out of school, i dont talk to my friends anymore i have nothing and it scares me, i dont want to live with my mom when im 30(LOL), Ofcourse i want to move out, but i cant if i dont have any money. My life used to be alot better i had like 30-40 friends i was always out and i was never inside, but then i started sitting at the computer, and i gained weight and now i havent left my house in 6 months and im 16 years old(17 in 1 month).. My old friends asks me if i want to do something but i say no.

    And most of the reason i dont kill myself is because i want to see how the ppl react when they find out i killed myself but i know thats not possible.

    You are probably laughing right now about my piss poor excuse of a life:sad:

    Im not talking to any doctor and my mom is acting like everything is fine i tell her i want to kill myself but she just doesnt say anything(like she doesnt care..)

    Sorry for my english its not so good. :eek:hmy:
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    well death isnt the answer, it seems you have fallen into the pc addiction.

    why not trying to turn the pc off and going out more with your friends and taking back the life you once had.

    stay safe
  3. maltox

    maltox Guest

    I dont want to see any old friends because it feels like they will get disappointed when they see me, i dont even see my dad because if this.. He doesnt live with me and my mom.
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hi there, firstly, welcome to SF I hope you find it helps you.

    Did anything happen to switch your life from having many friends and socialising to wanting to give up on life? I mean, has there been an event in your life that has had a negative effect on you?

    It's not uncommon for people to want to kill themselves but are unable to actively do so. For many it's fear. Maybe fear of getting it wrong or fear of how people around them would react to hear of their death and for some it's actual fear of what happens to them after death (heaven/hell/reincarnation/nothingness etc), but there's many people who've been where you are now, but are out the otherside and are gratefully they didn't attempt to take their life.

    Have you told anyone about how you're feeling, other than your mother? Perhaps you could speak to a friend who you trust and let them know how you're feeling. If they know they can be there for you because it's times like this where we do need people around us.

    Your mum may not want to believe you are feeling this way. She may be in denial and is dodging the whole conversation because she doesn't want it to become reality for her. However, I think maybe you need to talk to your mum again or if not talk, then leave a note so she can read it.

    Perhaps talking to a doctor will be a good idea. You don't need to feel this way and you deserve support. Posting on here is a good start, we're here if you would like to talk anymore. In the meantime, take care of yourself. :hug:
  5. maltox

    maltox Guest

    I mostly lost all of my self esteem, before i started sitting at the computer i could go to a the local bathhouse or whatever its called in english and when i left i had 5 new friends.. and now i cant even make a friend over internet lol.. :S
  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Do you have any idea how you lost your confidence? I doubt your father or friends would be disappointed if you told them how you feel. Depression and self esteem issues etc are more common than we realise. If anything, I'd take a guess and say they'd be concerned and will want to work with you, not against you.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I've sent you a PM hun :hug:
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish you would try to get away from the PC a little. I don't know what happened prior to the time you said you started being on the PC and gaining weight but the inactivity and lack of exposure can add to depressive thoughts and behaviors. Start slow and small. It may be just a phone call to an old friend that eventually leads to a meeting. The current behaviors you have will not help you change things for the better. Your depression will deepen and things will become even more difficult. Please don't allow this to happen to you.
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