what should i do?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Nyu, Sep 27, 2008.

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  1. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    the guy that im totaly in love with has a gf. They've been dating for about 10 months, and she just left for the navy. i know that he likes me more than a friend, but still, it just hurts so much thinking about how he still loves her. i just cant deal with it....v_v

    i dont know why the world has to be so unbelievably unfair
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Personally you shouldn't be messing with someone that has a girlfriend. It's just messed up and wrong. I'm sure you wouldn't want it done to you. She's away serving the country, thinking she's got someone who loves her at home and here you are contributing to the unfaithfulness of their relationship. Doesn't that make you feel not so good? Also who's to say that if he does split with her he won't cheat on you? Once a cheater always a cheater.
  3. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    fuck you!

    that guy is my best freind!

    so fuck you!

    his gf told me to go kill myself, and now here i am because of assholes like you and her.

    and im not "messing" with him. he's my best and only freind, so fuck youooo!!!!
  4. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    you obviously don't understand shit u heartless asshole.

    thanks alot for making me feel so much better
  5. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    and "unfaithfulness"????

  6. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    obviously i can't ask for help, cuz everytime i try to, i get slapped in the face

    everyone is the same..on here, in real life, everywhere

  7. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Honey, you can call me what you want but you asked for opinions. If he doesn't want to be with the girl and wants to be with you then he should break it off with her, not do stuff while she's away. It's just wrong and you should understand that. You can call me heartless if you want, I don't mind, but the fact is you asked what you should do. You should wait until he makes a clean break and if he's your best friend then he shouldn't be letting his girlfriend tell you such things. friends before bitches..isn't that the saying. He should split with her if he has feelings for you and he should see where they go. You can at least then say you gave it a s hot and still be friends if things fail.

    Don't ask for opinions or advice if you don't want it.
  8. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    if he's your best friend, then you need to be his friend first and foremost. as a friend you need to put his needs first. if you had no emotional ties in this you would probably support him and his gf. remind him he'll get through the distance and time while she's serving. (she may indeed be a bitch, since she was clearly cruel to his friend...you. but she's his mate and thus a part of him....support him, support her, support the pair.) i know it sux and it hurts to have to encourage fidelity to a union when you want to be in her shoes instead, but that's the only way to truly support your friend.

    if its really you that he wants to be with the seperation and time will show him that. it will show him that more clearly if you are not doing anything ignoble. your clear support and care for him and his wellbeing will shine and he will see that not only are you a great friend you are a truly good person able to see past your own feelings to focus on those of a friend.

    as a voice of experience i can tell you a relationship achieved by undermining a pre-existing one is always rocky. the past is never forgotten and people always worry that what is done once will be done again.

    be a friend first and let him choose his path.

    *sorry if this pisses you off, you asked for help, i'm just trying to give it as best i can.
  9. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    but he's not doing "stuff" while she's away.

    not only are you insulting me, but ur insulting him as wel by saying that.that's all i'm trying to say =/

    don't assume things so easily.

    neither of us have crossed any boundaries as friends. u took everything i said and completely twisted it around into something it's not.


    and im sorry kiana for going off on you like that..i really shouldn't have done that v_v
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 27, 2008
  10. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    no, im not pissed off :unsure:
    i was just looking for advice (which u gave me)
    not accusations like the person before...

    that's all.
    i shouldn't have gone off like that :unsure:
    i just wasn't expecting for someone to say that me liking someone who means the world to me is somehow "messed up and wrong":sad:
  11. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    honestly i agreed with kiana. not that i think you are already doing all that, but that if you chose to persue something.... bad story. i doubt the intent was to insult or insinuate, tho i can see how you could read it that way. that's the shortcoming of text based peer counselling, no tone. the intonation of speech carries so much of the meaning of the words they accompany. misunderstandings are understandably common without it. i hope you won't hold it against kiana. id be truly suprized if the intent was slander.

    i feel for you in this situation and i hope all goes well for you. take care
  12. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    we're only online freinds in the first place......

    maybe i didn't say it right...

    what i should have said was that "i really like this guy, and it hurts that he has some one else. how do i cope with these feelings of despair"

    i don't think it's wrong whatsoever that i like someone. sorry if i wasn't clear enough.

    obviously no one gives a damn anyways about how i feel.
  13. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Is this the best you can do?

    Judging people you dont know?

    And in some points i can agree with the one you were bashing...But if you really love him and if he loves you too...

    And one thing... I can understand you.
    Love is one of the main reasons why i am depressed and i have been in very similar situation too...
    Have you talked with him about love? Does he now that you like him?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 27, 2008
  14. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    yh, he knows that i like him...alot..

    um, it's kind of the reason why i'm so depressed lately actually, so yh..

    and yh, i know that i shouldn't have said that...i really shouldn't have done that....=/ v_v

    i'm sorry Kiana :cry:
  15. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    we do care about you, if we didn't we wouldn't be here trying to help you. there is nothing wrong with liking someone, or loving someone. we don't choose who we develop feelings for, it just happens. be proud of yourself that despite these strong feelings you are keeping true to your friendship and not trying to move in on him. its hard to deny your own feelings in such a situation. he's lucky to have someone who cares so much about him.

    i can't say that you are best for him. i can't say that she is. i don't know. i do know that it is a difficult struggle and requires ALOT of self-restraint and patience. the ball is in his court. its his life, his relationships. waiting can be torture, and can lead to a whole lot of pain and agony. best i can recommend is to not obsess over it. (i know, i know, easier said then done.) its like a splinter under your fingernail, how do you ignore that?! lol. but try to keep your mind busy with other things too. talk to your doc, see if maybe they can help too. but love is a bitch, the best and the worst feelings in the world stem from it.

    try to hang in there and try to stay positive. maybe he'll realize you are what he wants, or maybe while you are being a good friend to him mr. right will sneak up and suprize you. life is full of suprizes. i hope you get some good ones.
  16. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    It's hard, i know...
    Do what you think is the best.

    I can say leave him alone or ask him, but you are the one who will suffer consequences....
    Just do what you think is the best to do...:hug:
    Sorry because i cant give you smart advice...
  17. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I did NOT accuse you of anything. I want you to know that. I wouldn't imply things that I know nothing about. Apology accepted.
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