What should I do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by total eclipse, Aug 19, 2009.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey glad your here. Sounds like you are not dealing well with your psychosis
    I would hope you have seen a psychiatrist to get on meds to make the psychotic episodes go away. People can lead a normal life with this illness if their meds are right. Are you on anything for your anxiety. I agree with Kankuro you need to get outside more go for awalk go for a swim Exercise does help decrease depression especiallly swimming. Can you phone a friend to see if they could spend some time with you. Writing what you are feeling in a journal helps to as this will help your doctor see where your mind is at give him or her some insight. Keep talking to us here okay people here care and if you do get to the point of crisis phone the hospital emerg or crisis line they will give you some good coping skills as well.
     
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there tobes welcome 2 the forum..
    sorry 2 read ur having a rough time atm..did u find ur stay in hospital helped a little? mabye if it did - even just a tiny bit - u could try and get some help from there again.. or prehaps go back 2 ur doctor and explain how ur feeling? like kanku said he/she might recommed some sort of therapy 2 help..
    iv just turned 22.. and i feel the same alot of the time.. ur not alone :hug:
    i hope 2 see u around the forum.. this place has helped me alot.. hope it will do the same 4 u .. x

     
  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I've just joined the forum and like most people I'm looking for some guidance. I've been feeling suicidal for a couple of weeks now. Sometimes it's not that bad, but other times, like today, the feelings are stronger than normal. The main thought that I have is that my only reason to live is so I don't cause any pain to my family and friends if i did commit suicide. That's been the only thing that has kept me here. I need to find a reason to live because I hate feeling like this. For some reason I've never been able to picture myself still being here in 10 or 20 years , even living another month feels like a struggle.

    About 6 months ago my life went downhill rapidly when I had a psychotic episode. I thought that the tv and radio was talking to me and I suffered from delusions. During the time I felt a period of extreme bliss, like there was nothing wrong with the world or myself and I felt calm and relaxed, but those feelings went away soon after. I was put in a mental health ward for a couple of weeks and was given medication that I am still taking to this day. I stayed with my father for a weekend and while I was there I started thinking that he had sexually abused me as a child. I believed it to be true, and I accused him of it, which is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever done. I still can't get over the fact I did that, and It is my biggest regret, because he is a good person and has done a lot to help me and still does. It is hard to think that I will always have to live with these memories, along with other bad ones.

    Since then I have been a hermit, staying inside all day sitting by the computer. I haven't seen any of my friends in 6 months or more, and I feel anxious about doing so. I haven't been able to talk much, or write. I used to be a good writer but now I can't think of anything to write, like I've lost the ability. This post is the most I have written since before I was in hospital and I'm amazed that I could write it. I am hoping that I get that skill back, because it would help me to feel more like a normal person.

    It's strange. I don't feel depressed, or that I can't take it anymore, I just feel tired with life, like I can't be bothered with living. I've had a few jobs, made some friends and some girlfriends, and now I'm ready for death, despite the fact I'm only 21. Does anyone else feel this way?

    I've been reading articles and websites about suicide and they mostly say the same thing. I try to imagine a scenario where I have commited suicide and think of all the people mourning my death but it just makes me feel bad and doesn't help me out of my problem. I hate it when people say suicide is selfish, they obviously haven't felt truly suicidal themselves.

    I don't want to sound like somebody crying out for help or having a whinge, but I do need to tell somebody how I feel and I don't want to scare my family by telling them. I'm glad I found this forum and I applaud the admins and mods for running it because it is most likely saving lives. I want to thank you all for listening to what I have to say, and I thank you all in advance for any help or advice you may be able to give me.
     
  4. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    first off welcome to SF. Have you been to a therapist or anything like that? If you haven't you should definitley look into it. A therapist could benefit you very much. Also it might be a good idea to try and slowly ease yourself back into doing stuff outside of your house. maybe start out by going outside for 15 minutes or so and maybe try to come up with ideas for writing. You could then start to go from there. Writing is definitley a good way to help ease the suicidal feelings.
     
  5. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Hey guys thanks for the advice. I see a psychologist every couple of weeks and i talk to her but I haven't told her that I'm feeling suicidal. Despite how I feel I won't go through with it yet and I'll see how I feel in a month or two. I felt this way a few months ago and it passed after a week so I'm hoping it will pass this time as well. Thanks again for the help everybody.
     
  6. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey again tobes..
    thanks 4 letting us know ur ok :hug: pm me anytime..
     
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