What should I do?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mae77, Oct 19, 2010.

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  1. mae77

    mae77 New Member

    Hi I am totally confused. I don't know where to start but hey goes and I am sorry if this makes no sense. Ok so this is probably the worst year of my life. I had another miscarriage last december, it took me 11 years to actually get get pregnant again and then I loose it. My husband and I split and are divorced and even though we still friends it kills me inside he no longer wants me :sigh:
    I find myself unable to work, I have just completed a childcare course and did work for a month or so as a temp but found it too hard being with kids all day and now the thought of it panics me, i know i need to work but every time i think of it panic hits me and i am sick. I was meant to be going overseas in 5 weeks, i have planned this for a number of months, booked it all up, paid and now realised i cant afford it and have tried to get the money back but as it is non refundable lost it all. anyway my main point it for the last 2 weeks all i have been able to do is cry. I went out 2 weeks ago and was in a shop and felt good. i lost some weight and the woman in the shop asked when i was due. well i nearly broke down i felt crushed, i came home and called my mum and told her and she said pull yourself together u look fine ignore it. she said you can tell i lost weight so get over it. since this i have not left my house. I cant sleep, eating only if i really need to and exercising as much as possible. I have cut myself off from everyone. i just dont want to see or speak to anyone. my friends are not really there for me. they only seem to want me if they need something off me. soon as they have a fella got no interest in me. my ex been good, he called over to bring shopping and take my dog out. If it werent for my dog i would have ended it by now. he is part the reason i dont want to leave uk aswell cos if miss him the most. my dog is my life.
    so i called my dr yesterday as i was so close to just topping myself. I have done this in the past and failed sadly. I was in hospital 5 years ago and nearly succeeded. since then i have been good and not tried again, mainly as i met my ex and not needed to. i asked my ex to get back with me sunday but told me he wont and this has set me off into my dark place. I have to go out today to sign on and cant face it, i need to go as i have no money and got to sort this out or my dog wont be fed. oh yeah the doctors, i cant get appointment till next monday so 6 days to wait in this mood. I am really worried i wont make it this long. is there a way i can see someone before then? I dont want to go in as an emergency cos i feel i am a burden on my dr's anyway. going to a&e i am taking time up for people that need it. i dont want to section myself as i dont want to leave my house. i really dont know what to do? I would love to die, but dont want to kill myself and hurt family with the stigma of that. was just hoping the pain in my chest id have a heartattack and died last few days. This constant crying and inability to think straight is now doing my head in.
    sorry if this makes no sense i am just typing what is in my head and trying to say how i feel and find out where i go from here.
    Help me someone :unsure:
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Mae you are not a burden on the doctors so go to a+e as soon as possible...You are just as sick as anyone else and if you tell them you are going to hurt yourself they should see you straight away..
    you have been through so much it's no wonder you're feeling down but you can feel better with help...
    I'm so glad you don't want to hurt your family by leaving but go get some help for you ok...
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Mae, I am so sorry things are so horrible right at this moment. Sometimes things fall apart and then come together better. BUT having said that, I think that 6 days is too long to wait for some help. Can you go to emergency? let them know that you need help now. You desreve that. You deserve that. You.... deserve.... good.... treatment.... now !! Also if you wait for your doctor, you will likely have to wait longer as he may refer you to someone. But if you go to emergency now, you get help now. Sending lots of safe hugs for you (((((((((( mae))))))))))) :pinkrose:
     
  4. mae77

    mae77 New Member

    Thanks for replies both. I have called my surgery and said it is an emergency and reluctantly they have given me an appointment for 11.50 today. :mhmm:
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    well done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will you let us know how the apt goes? Am sending good thoughts your way, Mae.
     
  6. mae77

    mae77 New Member

    I will for sure. Thank you xxx
     
  7. mae77

    mae77 New Member

    Back from the doctors. Thankfully I saw the doctor I like there who is so understandable. He was really nice to me and has put me on a referal list to see a counselor although there is a 6 month waiting list for this. I am wondering how much and how easy it is to find one privately... anyone know? He is putting me back onto citalapram aswell which I think will help me in the mean time when they start to kick in - cant make me worse. He also has given me a self help guide which said others have found useful so once I calm down will look through. I am still all over the place at the moment. I have to go back out again and visit the job centre which is my main panic for today as after 6 weeks they still havent sorted out my money. I have been signed off by dr and told to claim something else (3 weeks sick note). I have to go back to dr's in 3 weeks now see how I am unless I get worse. I am also relieved that the pain in my chest is anxiety and not stroke or heart attack which was worrying me due to family history.
    :i'm sorry: for the over reacting this morning xxxx
     
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Mae
    I have seen what I think of as overreacting. And what you were posting was not that. It was real fear and pain. I am glad you got to see the doctor. I hope though that somehow you can get help before 6 months. Perhaps the new meds will help so much that you can wait. but I wish you could find someone sooner. But I do know thats not always possible at all.

    For today, I am glad that you are relieved. Thats a great start.
     
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