What should I do

[Forgotten_Man]

Hmm what should I do, I am at a bit of a conflict with myself. So recently I have figured out my life. To put a long story short. I am a worthless step stool of soceity. A tool to be used and then discarded by people. It is better documented in my Livejournal but what I said basically covers the gist.

So here is the problem since I am a tool to be used by others I think that I should be used for anything. So, this would include intercourse. Now this is where I hit the problem. I have sort have made it my way, over the past 3 or so years, to make whichever female, or male for fairness, who wants to do such things with me get me fixed. They would have to go through the hassle and trouble of find the person to perform the procedure and take me around to do it and pay for it. But that is when I placed some sentiment on intercourse. But with my new beliefs that is no longer the case. And due to the fact that my beliefs involve me submitting pretty much without question, very little question anyway. I was wondering, should I just get the procedure done myself or should I make a soul suffer to get it done? I am just having a hard time choosing that is all. The only thing I know for sure is that I will die before I ever have a kid. I mean this literally, if a female ever has a child of mine, even if she places it up for adoption I will kill myself.

Before you Post
Please read​

Please refrain from saying stuff like "You need therapy" or stuff like that. I am asking for your opinion as well PLEASE give it to me. I don't like to hear "It is up to you" well I know that. And I don't know what to do so I would like some other points of view as well. Finally yes I am a make. But I do not intend to use this as an excuse to have lots of intercourse. I am what you might call Asexual. I have no desire to have intercourse. But my parts work so I guess some lonely despreate human being might want to use them. I just want an opinion what do you think I should do. So please PLEASE give me an opinion... as long as I get an opinion I don't care what else you say.

Also please do not whine about how this might affect my life. Like I said I am scum in my eyes and no one will ever want to be with me longer than they have too.

 

[TearsDropBloodTrickles]

Your strange...i use to admire you...(in a weird sort of way)...but now your posts have a pathetic desperation to them. If you have no desire to have sex, then you have no need to do it. And you say if she has your child you will kill yourself, what makes you think you'd be able to, when you arent even strong enough to do it now ? You really need to re-evalutate your life, and why your even alive.

 

[iQuit]

lol I agree with TearsDropBloodTrickles

 

[resistance]

Your strange...i use to admire you...(in a weird sort of way)...but now your posts have a pathetic desperation to them. If you have no desire to have sex, then you have no need to do it. And you say if she has your child you will kill yourself, what makes you think you'd be able to, when you arent even strong enough to do it now ? You really need to re-evalutate your life, and why your even alive.

I think that was kinda harsh.

In no way do I support the idea of you ending your life - at all. But I do wonder that if you're not going to be in a relationship with a woman, why have the vasectomy? It seems to me that you'd be going through unnecessary pain and proceedures and something that wouldn't really have an affect on your life at all.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Your strange...i use to admire you...(in a weird sort of way)...but now your posts have a pathetic desperation to them. If you have no desire to have sex, then you have no need to do it. And you say if she has your child you will kill yourself, what makes you think you'd be able to, when you arent even strong enough to do it now ? You really need to re-evalutate your life, and why your even alive.

<mod edit: bunny - offensive>

Secondly you did not read my post, in reality this is a just in case sort of thing. Like I said "I am a tool" and think of me as a multi-tool I can do many things. Just because the desire is not there does not mean the plumbing does not work. I could make myself have intercourse. And as a tool there might be people who will use me for just that. This is a just in case sort of thing, though I do like the idea of having an excuse to kill myself.

On a side note, respect is nice, but respect is not something that will make me any less suicidal that I already am.

I think that was kinda harsh.

In no way do I support the idea of you ending your life - at all. But I do wonder that if you're not going to be in a relationship with a woman, why have the vasectomy? It seems to me that you'd be going through unnecessary pain and proceedures and something that wouldn't really have an affect on your life at all.

A good point, but like I said just in case.

Keep in mind it is the 21st century and women and not as restrained as they used to be. And if a female sees this tool and decides she wants to use it then why should I not serve my purpose?

 

[resistance]

The words 'self restraint' comes to mind.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

The words 'self restraint' comes to mind.

Again I am a tool. What I want does not matter. It is not about restraint or self-control or anything it is not about me or what I want since none of that matters to a tool.

In general I know, not from experience, that I would have no problem saying no and not doing intercourse, GOD FORBID A MALE DO THAT!!! But I am a tool my wants and needs don't matter.

 

[LetItGo]

So your saying your a-sexual and you dont want sex, but if forced all your gear works, and you would willingly submit to basically anyone. Your also worried about getting a woman pregnant and having kids.

1) I think your self-esteem is rock bottom atm. You currently think you dont want sex, but its at the core of every human being that walks this planet to have sex, or the desire to have it. If you increase your self-esteem, your sex drive will also increase.

2) The idea of willingly submitting to anyone is not a good idea at all. Again self esteem. What makes you think you should submit yourself to anyone?

3) Getting vasectomy is bad, bad idea. How are you gonna feel if you ever meet somebody and she really wants to have kids with you? I mean when your improving, and you manage to meet a girl, and you cant have kids? Now you gotta raise somebody elses sperm, or adopt. The people that generally get vasectomies are married men that have like 4 kids and dont want anymore OR theyve agreed to do it in consultation with there partner...very unlikely.

You need to get all this extreme thinking out of your head and concentrate on improving your self esteem and general feeling of worthyness.

Also dont pay attention to what ive said in the other thread about finding somebody...Shit im a hopeless cause....I dont even look these days to be honest, at least not atm..perhaps when my life is a little more sorted and I have something to offer I will start looking again. My story doesnt have to be your story as well.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

So your saying your a-sexual and you dont want sex, but if forced all your gear works, and you would willingly submit to basically anyone. Your also worried about getting a woman pregnant and having kids.

1) I think your self-esteem is rock bottom atm. You currently think you dont want sex, but its at the core of every human being that walks this planet to have sex, or the desire to have it. If you increase your self-esteem, your sex drive will also increase.

2) The idea of willingly submitting to anyone is not a good idea at all. Again self esteem. What makes you think you should submit yourself to anyone?

3) Getting vasectomy is bad, bad idea. How are you gonna feel if you ever meet somebody and she really wants to have kids with you? I mean when your improving, and you manage to meet a girl, and you cant have kids? Now you gotta raise somebody elses sperm, or adopt. The people that generally get vasectomies are married men that have like 4 kids and dont want anymore OR theyve agreed to do it in consultation with there partner...very unlikely.

You need to get all this extreme thinking out of your head and concentrate on improving your self esteem and general feeling of worthyness.

Also dont pay attention to what ive said in the other thread about finding somebody...Shit im a hopeless cause....I dont even look these days to be honest, at least not atm..perhaps when my life is a little more sorted and I have something to offer I will start looking again. My story doesnt have to be your story as well.

Hmmm no desire here. It is ok that you do not understand no one does. But I am glad you were able to figure out what I was asking, for the most part.

People say it is at the core, and I guess it is because the parts work on me still. But I lack the hormones I really do really I find my self severly disgusted with the whole idea of intercourse... all the body fluids and what not. But like I said you do not understand and that is fine the idea of a male not caring for intercourse is at the level of blasphemy by todays social standards.

My self-esteem has never been high really. I just pretend it is sometimes to keep people off the pity train. But I really feel my self-esteem is higher than it used to be. Mainly because I know my part in the world. And if I submit to anyone I run the chance of catching an STD and dying, all VERY GOOD!!

Well lucky for me I do not lust after immortailty like pretty much everyone else on the planet... that is a whole other story... PM me if you want to find out. And I will never meet that person and if I ment that person if they would require me to reproduce with them for them to stay with me then they do not love me. Just like anyone who I might meet would one day make me choose between them and my passions, anime video games manga skiing, and I could never do that. But since any urologist worth their salt is over the age of 40 it is not like I could get one anyway. I KNOW that if I ever wanted to reproduce I would not be the same FM you know here. But if I submit to anyone and everyone it will not matter. Because I am sure that if I do not take the time to choose my partners properly then no one would wnat to be around me.

Finally I feel that if any of my genes are passed onto this world I will kill myself. Because hey I have served my purpose to reproduce... provided I don't go on a rampage and kill the female who had the child.... the only reason I would not do it right away is so that I could seriously fuck the kid up later in life by forcing it to watch me slowly kill its mother and then kill myself.

My self-esteem is right where it needs to be. People who are tools don't have hopes or dreams or desires. We are tools that are to be used to enterian or help people up in the world. I know for me that it is either the life of a tool or death.....

Although I was thinking about trying to cut of my testicles myself... a vasectomy is not good enough I want my genetic material gone.

As for your other posts, I don't try either... aside from everyday socializing that has to happen for me to get by in the world. I don't try because I spent about 15 years trying. Now I want someone else to try.

 

[TheBLA]

Your strange...i use to admire you...(in a weird sort of way)...but now your posts have a pathetic desperation to them.

Yeah Forgotten_Man, I really mean no offense, nothing personal at all, but it does seem as though you seem to be whining more recently and becoming more incoherent, you're sending mixed messages and they are confusing me at least. I'm not sure what you want, whether you will or will not commit suicide, anything really. I hope you can perhaps stop posting a bit, get off the computer and look at yourself more closely, evaluate your life and think about it a bit more if you don't mind me asking you to. You seem really conflicted and confused right now, torn equally between two completely opposite decisions.

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Yeah Forgotten_Man, I really mean no offense, nothing personal at all, but it does seem as though you seem to be whining more recently and becoming more incoherent, you're sending mixed messages and they are confusing me at least. I'm not sure what you want, whether you will or will not commit suicide, anything really. I hope you can perhaps stop posting a bit, get off the computer and look at yourself more closely, evaluate your life and think about it a bit more if you don't mind me asking you to. You seem really conflicted and confused right now, torn equally between two completely opposite decisions.

Get off the computer BLASPHEMY!!!! Look if you guys do not want me around it is as simple as saying, FUCK OFF. I mean is it really that hard?

But on another note, I have spent the past 4 years of my life looking at myself and trying to figure out things. I will admit this new found belief is still rough and my old beliefs are not completely gone yet. But I am on the right road.... but I don't really see where there are any mixed messages in this post...

 

[TheBLA]

No no no, I don't want you to leave, not one bit!!!
I've really enjoyed reading your thoughful, mesmerizing posts, their very interesting to read, your a very deep, interesting person who'se made a overall positive contribution here.

Its just that I'm getting a bit confused by your messages now and that you seem to be in conflict with yourself, at least more so than lets say last month.