What side will win?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jessy, Oct 1, 2014.

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  1. Jessy

    Jessy Member

    Now I'm not the best when it comes to eloquently writing out my thoughts. A lot of it ends up more like a stream of word vomit. I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing here or if this is where I belong. I'm not 100% sure of anything to be completely honest. My life has taken a real downward spiral in the past 8 months and I'm not sure I can come out of it. Every time I feel as though I'm climbing out of the hole I've fallen into something else seems to jump up, kick me in the face, and push me back down into the hole. The fact that I keep having hope that I'm finally going to turn things around and get myself back on track and then I get a shot to the face just makes me feel discouraged... I'm losing hope. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this, that the hole is just going to keep getting deeper and deeper. and part of me, I'm not sure how big of a part, wants to just throw in the towel and give up. I don't know if I'm capable of giving up entirely.. part of me would like to believe I could do it.. and part of me.... well part of me is here, joining this site of support, writing this post, reaching out a hand of some sort....

    the question is, what part of me is going to win?

    but anyways, like I said. word vomit. thanks for reading if you did.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The fighter part of you will win and each time we pick ourselves up after a fall it will take less time to get out of that hole because we have done it before. We have gained more knowledge more skills to not keep us down.
    I think the fighter in you will win hugs
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Well said. Ill have to remember that view.
  4. Jessy

    Jessy Member

    thanks. I'm trying to side with the fighter part of me. just losing my motivation and drive as each thing brings me down
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