Now I'm not the best when it comes to eloquently writing out my thoughts. A lot of it ends up more like a stream of word vomit. I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing here or if this is where I belong. I'm not 100% sure of anything to be completely honest. My life has taken a real downward spiral in the past 8 months and I'm not sure I can come out of it. Every time I feel as though I'm climbing out of the hole I've fallen into something else seems to jump up, kick me in the face, and push me back down into the hole. The fact that I keep having hope that I'm finally going to turn things around and get myself back on track and then I get a shot to the face just makes me feel discouraged... I'm losing hope. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this, that the hole is just going to keep getting deeper and deeper. and part of me, I'm not sure how big of a part, wants to just throw in the towel and give up. I don't know if I'm capable of giving up entirely.. part of me would like to believe I could do it.. and part of me.... well part of me is here, joining this site of support, writing this post, reaching out a hand of some sort.... the question is, what part of me is going to win? but anyways, like I said. word vomit. thanks for reading if you did.