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What stops everyone

#1
Hi...for anyone who has ever come close to ending their life, what has stopped you? I know realistically that I don’t have the guts to end my life .... I just wish the pain would stop .... but man today I have been really bad off and then my husband gave me the biggest hug and I said ‘I cannot hurt this man by ending my life’.....so that stopped me. What has worked for everyone, especially any of you who have been fighting this battle for years. Thanks.....
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
The same as your reasons - my family. I couldn't do it to them. I am very close to some family members, very distant with others and to the ones I'm close with I know it would ruin their lives if I were to take mine. I instead looked for help, sometimes the help worked, sometimes it didn't but at the end of the day my family remain at the top of my mind. I suffered to protect them from suffering.

Family members have went above and beyond to help me to get to where I am today, I'm forever grateful and we have great times these days. The suffering was worth it in the end.

I'd like to add with counselling/medication/support, I am no longer suicidal and I hope one day that will stand the same for you.
 
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MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#5
Twice I turned myself into the hospital rather than end my life. It is those two incidents I think that helped me a lot. I have a safety plan now, people I would call, people I would reach out to via letters which would take some time, breathing exercizes etc. I live by myself, I am responsible only for myself, and it would be easy just to end myself. On the other hand I also have a very close friend, I have siblings, I have daughters, all would be devastated if I ended myself. I have to add that into consideration. A pastor once said to me when I was going through separation and divorce with my wife "Whatever you do, don't kill yourself." I think he knew the turmoil I was going to go through and it was good advice.
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
What stops you is going to be different for everyone. I have things in my life worth living for now, and that makes all the difference. Yes, some days suck horribly. My brain is still jacked up, and I often struggle to see value in myself. The world around me feels like it's falling apart. Still I have things worth living for. I have a job that doesn't suck (most of the time). I have friends who I love dearly, and who love me back. I have a cat who depends on me to take care of her. While most of my hopes have been abandoned in the last several months, these things remain true.

A long time ago a made a promise to a friend. In that promise I said I wouldn't take any suicidal action without speaking to him first. Promises mean a lot to me. That promise stands true today. If I find myself in the middle of the night completely unable to control the thoughts, I will reach out to him. I promised I would. Not matter the time or day. Not to mention if anything were to happen to me he would be deeply hurt, and I struggle to justify ending my pain to only increase his.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
but man today I have been really bad off and then my husband gave me the biggest hug and I said ‘I cannot hurt this man by ending my life’.....so that stopped me. What has worked for everyone, especially any of you who have been fighting this battle for years. Thanks.....
I think for me it was also the choice to keep going to avoid hurting those I love that was/is the deciding factor when life gets too much. I think the more you remind yourself of the choice you made to live, and why, the stronger you become. I believe love will win and I hope your belief in it grows stronger. You've already got it in yourself and your husband loves, needs you, and wants you to be happy, as you do him.
 
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#8
For me it’s my daughter and my family but strangely enough mostly my eldest daughter. We’ve been through so much together and a little while ago she asked me not to leave her. Not that she knows I’m suicidal but she knows I’m unhappy and I wonder if she was just making sure.
My therapist told me last week that she’d be devastated if I did. I spoke to her whilst standing somewhere I shouldn’t and she panicked. It was cruel of me really, to do that to her. I know my whole family would be irreparably damaged if I killed myself but it doesn’t stop me wanting to.
 
#9
I think for me it was also the choice to keep going to avoid hurting those I love that was/is the deciding factor when life gets too much. I think the more you remind yourself of the choice you made to live, and why, the stronger you become. I believe love will win and I hope your belief in it grows stronger. You've already got it in yourself and your husband loves, needs you, and wants you to be happy, as you do him.
That is the only thing that keeps me going ... avoiding hurting the people I love. Some of the people Who love me don’t know the real shitty things I did to one family member in particular after my trauma. I have been forgiven by that person but as every one lnows on this site, I cannot forgive myself. Sometimes I feel like eventually I will snap but I keep trying every day to forgive myself.ll.just hasn’t happened yet.
 
#11
Just my son. That’s it. Without him I’d be gone.

Glad you have a loving husband and family and I wish you could find something that helped you out.
I have tried it all. Part of me just doesn’t have the guts to do anything, part knows it would destroy my family, and part says who cares... it is awful to live everyday wishing for bedtime to come...
 
#12
The same as your reasons - my family. I couldn't do it to them. I am very close to some family members, very distant with others and to the ones I'm close with I know it would ruin their lives if I were to take mine. I instead looked for help, sometimes the help worked, sometimes it didn't but at the end of the day my family remain at the top of my mind. I suffered to protect them from suffering.

Family members have went above and beyond to help me to get to where I am today, I'm forever grateful and we have great times these days. The suffering was worth it in the end.

I'd like to add with counselling/medication/support, I am no longer suicidal and I hope one day that will stand the same for you.
May I ask why you were suicidal in the first place? I suffered trauma and then did some pretty bad things which I cannot forgive myself for.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#13
I keep trying every day to forgive myself.ll.just hasn’t happened yet.
I think you will by relaxing the hold of guilt over you little by little. Just keep trying to release it's tight hold more and more so you aren't thinking about it so much and it will gradually get better
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#15
I have been forgiven by that person but as every one lnows on this site, I cannot forgive myself
Have you talked with this person about how you are tortured with guilt? He forgave you because he wants you to be happy, not in pain. Maybe it's about fully accepting that forgiveness even though you feel you don't deserve it?
 
#16
Have you talked with this person about how you are tortured with guilt? He forgave you because he wants you to be happy, not in pain. Maybe it's about fully accepting that forgiveness even though you feel you don't deserve it?
Yes....I have talked to the person. It was my brother. He simply said he doesn’t care about what I did. Not sure if his wife feels the same way but who knows. Yet, deep in my core I am so disgusted with myself that I can’t forgive myself. Crazy I know. But between that and the trauma (which I am dealing with in therapy), my life is a nightmare. this has been going on for 2 years.....I need to keep at it but it is difficult.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#17
He simply said he doesn’t care about what I did. Not sure if his wife feels the same way but who knows. Yet, deep in my core I am so disgusted with myself that I can’t forgive myself.
How hurt do you think your brother was by what you did?How would you feel and react if someone did the same thing to you? I feel that you might start feeling better if you could talk more about this with him.

Can I ask if you see your brother much and if things are different between you now?
 
#18
How hurt do you think your brother was by what you did?How would you feel and react if someone did the same thing to you? I feel that you might start feeling better if you could talk more about this with him
He actually sort of laughed about it...though it wasn’t funny. He simply did not care. if someone did it to me I would think that they had a moment of insanity.ll.which I did...no other way to describe it. In a private message, I will tell you what I did....
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#19
It's sounds like he feels here was nothing to forgive you for because you weren't being yourself when you did it due to the trauma you went through. It could be that as you process the trauma with your therapist, the less you will be further traumatized by feelings of self blame and self disgust. It can take a long time to heal from trauma
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#20
For me it would be my family even though we aren't close like many families. It is a we are related but rarely see each other even though we only live about 30 minutes from each other.
 

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