What the FUCK is the point of even trying?!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by curtn34, Jul 27, 2012.

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  1. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    I've been a pretty lonely person ever since I was a teenager and all I've ever wanted out of life was to love and be loved, yet every time I try I end up hurt and devastated...go figure. My third boyfriend who I've been seeing for two months officially broke it off tonight. Well, we had a big big fight on Tuesday and when I left he said he needed to think things over and needed space for a few days. So, I gave him the space he asked for and didn't contact him for a few days. I call him today because we had plans to see each other tonight since last week only to find out that he had BLOCKED my cell. Now this completely baffled me as I did not do anything remotely deserving of that. So tonight I called his cell a few times and eventually he answered...I was told to leave him alone, that we were broken up, that he needed space, and that if I tried coming to his house, he would call the police.

    I don't know what I did to deserve this but it makes me feel like shit. And alone...incredibly alone. And hurt. Really hurt. This isn't the first time this has happened to me...in fact, both of my ex-boyfriends have blocked my numbers and cut me out of their lives. In their defense, I was a bit much and with the last one especially, I did harass him through texts and calls after breaking up. So those almost felt warranted on their parts. In retrospect and even at the time I understood their actions. Not that it didn't hurt, it hurt like hell, but they had a reason to act in such a manner. The pain never went away from that though. The first time was okay because it could have just been a bad breakup. When it became repeated the second time I became severely depressed for a long time. Now that it has happened a third time, without much warning may I add, I pretty much know what I have to do. There's no hope for me. No point left in living. There wasn't much of a reason before this and this certainly doesn't help matters.

    I don't know. I'm just hurting a lot right now. I deserve more than this. So much more.
  2. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Hello, I'm sorry your going through such a painful experience. It sounds like your boyfriend is unworldly and afraid of being near pain or suffering. Most people run away when others are suffering, it is difficult for them to cope with. You mentioned you have "harassed" other boyfriends , this might be something you need to understand why you feel the need too. In my experience people generally do what they can to ignore or run away from confronting painful emotions, especially when they are crying out for attention. I sincerely hope your next relationship is one of mutual respect, support and unconditional love.

    God Bless
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry that you are hurting now - any breakup is a difficult thing for anybody. That being said - the vast vast majority of relationships end in breakup - in many many countries the majority of marriages ultimately result in divorce. Further, 3 relationships id hardly a measuring stick to determine you "There's no hope for me. No point left in living." , if that were true 99% of the people in the world would have no hope. It is simply a growing process and you learn from it (as it sounds you are beginning to do) and you continue on - it hurt but the pain fades - very quickly when you find the "right" one.

    And yes, absolutely - you deserve more than this - and I feel confident you will find it.
  4. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    you said "Well, we had a big big fight on Tuesday"

    What was the fight about?
  5. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    I wouldn't take it personally if I was you. You most likely at one time told him about your past relationships and what happend when you broke up. He most likely wanted to be on the defensive. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you don't deserve love because you certainly do. There are a lot of nice dudes so don't trip I'm sure you'll find someone.
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