what the fuck is this.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by xinfectious, Dec 28, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. xinfectious

    xinfectious Member

    4 years ago, i was raped by my stepmom's son. thursday night he was visiting, and despite my efforts to stay as far away from him as possible he ends up trying to do it again. i had came back from a party and was totally wasted, as much as i tried to push him off of me, since i was so drunk and disoriented i couldnt do much.
    but here's the weird thing; after like, 20 minutes, i started to LIKE it. i actually got into it and started WILLINGLY have sex with this derranged evil asshole.
    this bastard that raped me 4 years ago, of whom i dispise almost more than ANYONE in this world, was actually turning me on.
    when i think of this, i actually get nauseous. it upsets me, and pisses me off.
    i read online that those who are sexually abused as children, when they get older they sometimes tend to get aroused by re-enactments, or bizzare fantasies involving the abuse or become sex addicts and etc. but i've NEVER been into that kind of stuff... EVER. to be honest, i'm scared of it. i dont even do handcuffs, i m ean it freaks me out more than anything... i dont understand, why, WHY am i like this? i just really dont fucking understand... has this ever happened to anyone else before?
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest


    I've gone through reenactments yes, although not sexually. This was not with the exact same person but I'd re-enact abuse from my father through other people and create situations where I'm being hurt. My sister is the same.

    I have when I was younger actively taunt my father to 'go on, hit me now. because you know what, I like it" (you can hit me and it won't reach me because my body is not yours, it's safe, you can touch it but I'm not here)

    Maybe it's some way of having control and power over the original trauma?

    I relate to your feelings of nausea, upset and anger...

    You said you were drunk so maybe your feelings of liking it and willingly doing things were influenced by alcohol? He seemed to have forced himself on you originally when I read your post...
  3. xinfectious

    xinfectious Member

    i'm glad i'm not neccesairly the only one! :)

    he did force himself on me originally, i actually remember trying to push him off of me and telling him to stop and i didnt want to do this about 7 or 8 times... but i've NEVER like creating reenactments of what happened when i was 13. thinking about it in the first place the scares the hell out of me, that's why i'm so confused...
  4. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    :hug: I'm sorry you went through that. He shouldn't have done that to you and it's not your fault. Try and not blame yourself for your reaction- maybe you weren't consciously re-enacting- with me I was in full control over the situation- with you, you were drunk so perhaps take that into account. It does sound very scary and confusing and frightening to have someone force themselves on you and not listen to you.

    Take care of yourself. xx
  5. xinfectious

    xinfectious Member

    thank you for your help & understanding.
    you are great :D.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi xinfectious. I have come up with a remote theory that may explain what happened to you that awful night. Please don't be frightened by what I'm about to say, because I'm not trying to scare you or poke fun at your experience. I'm here to help in my unique way.

    I believe what happened to you was caused by a female spirit that attached herself to you when you were coming home from the party. Spirits are disembodied beings that lack a physical body, but still wish to experience things that we experience like sex and alcohol. However, since they have no physical body, they cannot experience these things, because they lack our 5 senses. The only way for them to experience these things is to temporarily possess someone who is engaging in these activities.

    When you got drunk at the party, the female spirit attached herself to you, because she wanted to experience being drunk and having sex. She probably thought that you might be forced into having sex with him. When your stepbrother initially tried to force you to have sex, you were still in control of your mind and tried to fight him off; however, after 20 minutes the female spirit took control of your mind and you felt like you were enjoying the sexual experience. Please don't blame yourself for this, it wasn't your fault.

    After the rape was over, the female spirit left your body and you regained control of your mind, which is why you regret having sex with him. My advise to you would be to try not to get drunk in the future or use intoxicating drugs, because this will attract more spirits.
  7. Only1?

    Only1? Active Member

    I dont think you need to go into it anymore than the obvious physical facts.

    If you are drunk, you are already in a more relaxed state. Even if the guy is someone you hate after 20 minutes your body may well have started to enjoy it. If your body did enjoy the physical sensations then there nothing to beat yourself up over. In the cold light of day its shitty, its bad that its happened again and he should be punished. However I think you need to see this as a positive outcome to what is really a terrible act. I know exactly how it feels, but when it happened to me I got by by thinking well at least this didnt happen......etc etc.

    Do you plan to tell anyone about it?
  8. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Dave, I'm guessing that you personally haven't experienced rape or abuse? I'm very sorry if you have. There's a much simpler explanation for xinfectious's physical reaction to what happened to him. It's probably the most difficult thing for rape/abuse victims to come to terms with but no matter how much they don't want it to happen or how much their mind fights against it, the body is programmed to enjoy the act of sex. Especially if the person is young. It's a natural reaction which happens to a lot of people, though most survivours can't even talk about it. No offence to your beliefs but if a man is raped it doesn't mean he has anything female about him. I know you're trying to help but your theory might make some people believe that their rape was in some way their fault, which it never is.
  9. I agree with Malcontent.

    I don't believe in spirits possessing people. To suggest the idea, might be more harmful than good, even if the intentions of the suggestion were not to cause harm. Recently, I've talked with quite a few people about rape, and it seems to me that there is a psychological conflict with the hatred of being physically violated and the effects of alcohol. Drinking alcohol is ridiculous, in my opinion, because alcohol will always put a person at risk, both physically and psychologically. The alcohol likely caused her to feel like she enjoyed the rape, not a spirit possession.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    First of all, I assumed that xinfectious was female, because rape generally happens to women, not men. Seconly, I don't agree with what you guys are saying. When someone is being raped, they are not going to start enjoying it. I know about the human body's physiological response to sex (I am a science teacher). Your body likes sex because it feels good and orgasms will occur. But, xinfectious specifically stated that she was 'WILLINGLY' having sex with him after about 20 minutes. And just because she was drunk, she still had the mental capability to resist. She didn't black out. I would like to hear what xinfectious thinks about the spirit theory?

    Just because you guys haven't seen human spirits before, doesn't mean that they aren't there. They are just like you and me. They just don't have a physical body anymore, but they still want to enjoy the things we enjoy. I've seen someone allow himself to be possessed in person, and while possessed, he demanded alcohol, so I know this can happen.
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2008
  11. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Sorry but being a science teacher doesn't mean that you know anything about what happens to the mind and body of a rape victim. Why do you think you know more about it than someone who has been through it themselves? I suggest you do some research on the subject, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. No offence intended.
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    No offense taken Malcontent. I know all I need to know about the human physiological response to sex. I learned this in Advanced Physiology. There is no way a rape victim can enjoy the experience.
  13. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    mate... mm no. I'm sorry but, that's just plain wrong.

    I know we like to solidify certain regions with pure definitions, but believe me, where you defined that little statment.. there's a whole other world beyond what you think is nothing...

    just saying..
  14. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    If you have ever been raped or sexually abused, one of the difficult things to accept is why your body reacts even when you don't like it. I'm not saying it from reading from a book, but from living thru it.

    It is normal for woman and man to have body "pleasures" when being forced into act they don't want..when I was about 10/11 my body reacted to my abuser having sex with me, did I enjoy it...NO...but could I stop my body from reacting..NO. now day.

    I've heard and experinced dissociation, where you switch off what is happening, and go somewhere else..this is what to me it sounds like the OP expeirenced.

    No someone isn't going to enjoy it, BUT, if you have survived thru non-consensual sex, you would possibly know that its not you willingly have sex, but that part of you that can deal with that situation takes over..it happens to me, and yes it stil happens.
  15. PainEngulfsMe

    PainEngulfsMe Active Member

    dave, the stuff your saying, makes me think i don't belong on this forum, your quite possibly more messed up than anyone here.

    It's common for woman to orgasm while being raped. I've ejaculated while not wanting to at all, just the act of sex causes things to happen.
  16. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    You know legally an erection or ejaculation/orgasm isnt consent right?
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I fully understand that women can have orgasms while being raped. It's because their erogenous zones are being stimulated which leads to orgasm. But that's not what xinfectious was saying. She said that she was 'willingly having sex with the guy and enjoying it.' I just don't believe that a woman being raped can enjoy the experience, otherwise it is called 'consentual sex.'
  18. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Dave, I don't get how you could possibly understand anything about rape. Yes, yes, I study biology. But if that could ever prepare anyone for precisely what they would feel when it happened...well I think there would be a hell of a lot more understanding about it in society. Unless you experienced it yourself, please don't pretend that you understand. And that is something I would not wish on anyone. Ever.

    I won't type more for fear of losing it.
  19. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Dave please pm me. I can't put in these posts what I've been through, but I'll fill you in privately. Then try to run your theories by me again. In another post you stated you are still a virgin, so PLEASE don't try to give advice on a subject you truly know nothing about. I'm not trying to be rude but rather trying to help you realize that you can help others elsewhere in SF much better than here. We're always happy to have someone on board that just wants to help others, but you should stick to the forums that you are knowledged in. Whether I "enjoyed"(sometimes I had to just to survive and it was far from consentual) my repeated rapes or not it hurt like Hell then and it emotionally hurts even more today. I will live with the guilt, the violence, the memories and being the whore that I am for the rest of my life!!!
  20. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry if I ofended you itmahanh.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.