What the FUCK is wrong with me? *Trigger warning*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kai Nashi, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. Kai Nashi

    Kai Nashi Well-Known Member

    So a little more than two weeks ago I actually had my first relationship with someone. I was pretty surprised because who would want someone as ugly and fat and weird and awkward like me, I'm a pretty boring person too. Aside that, I finally felt so happier than I was in life. Five days later, she broke up with me saying it was because she wanted to focus more on school and stuff, and deleted her Facebook because it distracted her. I understood her reasoning, but aside from that I started to cry and harm myself... I don't understand myself it was just FIVE DAYS. All my friends were saying stuff like how it would be weird to be sad over a relationship for five days but I fucking felt broke as fuck. After all of it life just got so FUCKING WORSE. I don't know how to cope with this I don't know what to do. What made all of this even worse is I figured out she never deleted her Facebook ad just blocked me. Along with that shes been ignoring me, even though she said she still wanted to be friends and I did too. I don't know what the fuck I did wrong but it sure as hell got me sad knowing she probably never liked me in the first fucking place. It was too good to be true. It was fucking two weeks ago the relationship for FIIIIVE days and I'm still sad over it and continue to harm myself and yesterday it was all I could think off and it got so fucking far into my head I started looking for "methods" and that's actually how I stumbled upon this site.... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't want to be like one of those obsessive people but at least I'm not stalking her and shit idk what to do it gets so fucking deep in my head it hurts I start to hurt physically WHY CANT I JUST GET THE FUCK OVER IT LIKE ANY NORMAL PERSON?!? OR is this normal because people sure as hell said it wasn't. And then what made shit even MORE worse is I made a stupid ass move by sending her a pic of my harm marks and shit, I know dumbass move aint it Im such a FUCK UP it put SOOO much more stress on me even today I'm stressing out about on it right now my head fucking hurts like hell just thinking about it so much I'm shaking PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH ME????
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Nothing is wrong with You! When I talked with you a little while ago I had not seen this I am so sorry, It could have only been 15 min it doesn't matter 5 days - 15 min the important part is you had some hope then you were hurt, it does not matter if she meant to do it, it was done, I am sorry you feel broken it can be devastating to you or to anyone. I understand you feel betrayed and disappointment. I don't know why she did it or what she was thinking, I don't know if you can find out. The important thing is first for you to get better, you can and will. Yes, I know it hurts I know that pain that you are feeling. What you are feeling is the let down, you feel betrayed. I can't tell you what to do just please don't harm yourself any more Please! Don't try and calm down if you can hey even try thinking of the cats you use to have and remember how calm they made you feel, I know they did think about patting them and try calming yourself down. You are no different from any other person, your reaction may be a little more than some others but you don't know how anyone else may take a similar situation. This was your first, it meant so much to you, you had a lot riding on this and then it was over. When/if You can would you please let me know how you are doing. Please, I am concerned about you!
     
  3. brainswithgame

    brainswithgame New Member

    I am going through something similar. I met a great girl who I had an unofficial relationship with for a little over a month. We decided to end things and it really has me going through hell right now. The amount of time you date someone or get to know them has no meaning to how much your feelings can become for them. I fell for this girl really hard and fast, sounds a lot like what happened to you. I dont know what to say that will make you feel better or what advice I can offer. Just know that you're not alone. Its hard to keep going when you feel the way you do, I know that all to well. Just know that things do get better and self-harm is only setting yourself back from recovering. Even if you feel numb, just look to the sun and stars. Enjoy each breath you take, feel the wind, listen to the birds and know that there is an entire world out there. There are people that are going to hate you, but more importantly there are those very special people you will find and who will love you. If you really want to talk to someone or just want someone to vent to, PM me. I think we could both benefit from talking to someone who can relate.
     
  4. Jasv

    Jasv Well-Known Member

    I get it. 5 days doesn't mean a thing. It was how you felt. You originally felt low about yourself. You finally had someone who thought otherwise and that made you feel good. Like you wasn't ugly after all, or fat, or stupid. You felt great and that's why you're so angry. Maybe you felt betrayed, or cheated on. Like all those dreams and aspirations you conjured up within those 5 days went tumbling down. It made you feel twice as low, especially when you found out she lied to you. I don't know if this is actually how you felt, but I've been there, so I'm mainly thinking about how I did. I used to cut myself too. Sometimes people will say things like, 'it was only five days,' but they will never understand the pain. The pain of unworthiness. Sending that picture was a mistake and stupid I'll admit, because again they wouldn't understand why, but I understand why you did it. You wanted her to see what she did and maybe you wanted her to pay, to feel guilty, and to realize what a complete bitch she was. To make her suffer how you've been suffering. Again, I don't know if this is how you feel, but you're not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. It's okay to feel that way, because she was fucked up for doing it. Word of advice too. I wouldn't cut anywhere visible. Once you decide to stop, it'll always be there and everyone will stare at it and look at you with judgement in their eyes. Even though I enjoyed it, I regret it and If it's any consultation, everyone is an asshole. Fuck them all:)