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What the fuck? *triggering*

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Scum

Well-Known Member
#1
Been very close to death before, could have dropped dead at any minute doing what I was doing to myself.

Gave myself a break from doing it. Decided to get through Christmas. Now I have survived Christmas and I am doing it again, it will lead to death. already I am close and struggling, how long will it take?

So why have I given myself a teeny tiny reason to live?

Because I don't want to die? But I am doing it because I know that everyone else wants me dead and the world would be better off without me? Probably.

It's so fucking confusing.
 

Allo..

Well-Known Member
#2
please hold on.. life is worth too much to just throw away.. and it can get so much better than what you are experiencing today.. please hold on..
 

Scum

Well-Known Member
#3
Thanks for the reply.

It's not just today, its every day, and every day for the past 15 years. It doesn't ever get any better, I am beyond help (according to the docs, etc), I know that death is the right thing for me, I just am so confused as to why I have found a glimmer of hope. I don't want it. I want to die knowing that I want to die, as opposed to dying because everyone wants me dead, and I know it is best.

Man its a mess, sorry
 

Allo..

Well-Known Member
#4
I dont know what to say.. The way you talk is different to others.. its like.. you know you want to live, but you dont want to want to.. its a blurr, i know whati mean.. Just hold on, because it can get better.. you just eneever know when or how..

take care _%
 

Scum

Well-Known Member
#5
Hmm, that makes me think, just sat here pondering that one.

I guess right now I am slowly killing myself because I know that others want me dead and are plotting to get me that way.

I'm just a total mess. I find myself doing all these things that could lead to suicide, and often, at that time, thinking, 'what the fuck am I doing this for?'.

I'm not in control anymore, I guess.

But yeah, like I said in chat, thanks for the reply
 
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