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What the fuck

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ire, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. Ire

    Ire Guest

    things just keep going down the drain one by one.

    I shouldnt be surprised. It's been this way my entire life. Get something, lose it, regret it. Ever since i was a kid.

    Guess I never really grew up did I? still just the little fucking child. Just the little selfish, angry, tantrum throwing child. Cant get over himself.

    Dude just do it already. It's there on the wall... but nup, thats too painful. You have to wait till you have it the easy way. And you go and practice with your fake version.

    May 25th I said.... will I even make it that long? Knowing my pansy ass I'll probably never do it. Maybe it will be like to OD attempt.... trying to show myself this is serious.

    I dont even believe myself. This stupid fucking waiting game. And the little threads that were there are being snipped away. Will i make it past april? not at this rate.

    I am going to die without ever having gotten high, still a virgin, never having known love, never having really lived in the first place.... how can you die if you never lived?

    Soon, soon, I say to myself. Lets just piss it all away in the meanwhile why dont we. just add one hurt on top of another. lets just keep shoving it all down in there, that little black ball in the pit of my stomach.

    Shit, did it for 18 years, why stop now? These new hurts, just add em to it. its your suicide fuel.

    Now I am bleeding. Awesome. Great. Just nthe fucking LAWLS huh guys? So fucking hilarious.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2008
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Ire i dont have the words that are going to make it all better. Just the words to let you know you're not alone. If you need to chat or even vent, I'm here for you hun. Please dont be so hard on yourself and give yourself a chance. A chance to find love, to get high to do what ever you want in your life. You are 18, and if you give yourself the chance you'll live to be old and have a life filled with the things you search for.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2008
  3. Pentacle

    Pentacle Well-Known Member

    Hun, you know what I can do. I can help, if you ever need me I'm here, I'll help. You wont hurt me, I promise.

  4. You are an awesome and intelligent person, Ire. I like talking with you alot. I am glad to have met you. :hug:
  5. Ire

    Ire Guest

    Thanks guys. I feel a bit better now... mood swings seem to be getting worse, but at least that means, overall, I feel better more often, even if the lows are getting lower.

    I plan on giving this one last try. Going camping thursday.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Have a great time and be sure to really enjoy it, you deserve it!!!