things just keep going down the drain one by one. I shouldnt be surprised. It's been this way my entire life. Get something, lose it, regret it. Ever since i was a kid. Guess I never really grew up did I? still just the little fucking child. Just the little selfish, angry, tantrum throwing child. Cant get over himself. Dude just do it already. It's there on the wall... but nup, thats too painful. You have to wait till you have it the easy way. And you go and practice with your fake version. May 25th I said.... will I even make it that long? Knowing my pansy ass I'll probably never do it. Maybe it will be like to OD attempt.... trying to show myself this is serious. I dont even believe myself. This stupid fucking waiting game. And the little threads that were there are being snipped away. Will i make it past april? not at this rate. I am going to die without ever having gotten high, still a virgin, never having known love, never having really lived in the first place.... how can you die if you never lived? Soon, soon, I say to myself. Lets just piss it all away in the meanwhile why dont we. just add one hurt on top of another. lets just keep shoving it all down in there, that little black ball in the pit of my stomach. Shit, did it for 18 years, why stop now? These new hurts, just add em to it. its your suicide fuel. Now I am bleeding. Awesome. Great. Just nthe fucking LAWLS huh guys? So fucking hilarious.