So as many of you here will know that I spent 11 weeks in hospital for suicidal ideation and severe depression and I was discharged on Tuesday. Prior to being discharged I was on home leave for 2 weekends which went really well. I felt ready to come out and I was doing fine, especially as I am home alone a lot as my partner works and I am off sick. My new CPN came round yesterday to introduce herself and did my hospital follow up. I told her that I felt low at times but it was manageable. Then my mood took a massive nose dive yesterday afternoon and today I have felt horrendous. Funnily enough the suicidal thoughts aren't too bad; they were extremely bad in hospital so this is tame for me. But I feel sad and have zero motivation to do anything. The basics are extremely difficult and I find it really frustrating. In hospital I managed the basics despite being paralysed with suicidal thoughts so I don't know why I'm struggling so much. I really resent the fact that I now have to take so many medications; psychiatric and physical health. I hate it. I hate it so much. I already feel like there's not much point in continuing to fight my depression and bipolar because I feel like it's a losing battle. I feel like this isn't happening to me. That it's all a dream and one big mistake. That it's all in my imagination and I'm making it all up. I can't live like this. I just can't. I'm sorry for the rant. I just needed to get this out of my system.