What the hell is wrong with me!!!

[DellaRobinson]

I used to go to this church in Nuneaton and I have tried asking so many people but THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND ME! The church of course warned me that if I left nothing would make sense.

Anyway I was there for 5 years. 7 days a week. Of course most people call me a liar but they are not around me so they don't understand why I feel like my head is going in hopeless circles. I for 5 years isolated myself from the people outside the church as got told they would corrupt me. I spent more time with that church then I did my own family. I was there constantly. The main person in charge even had me over fir dinner. They told me I was a great friend and they liked me. Then me and my family moved and I of course had to leave the church. I tried to get in touch with them but when I left they wanted nothing to do with me. They ignored my messages this was years ago but I still miss them.

My family is relieved I have left as I started spending more time with them but they don't understand me. I feel no one does. One part of me wants to go there and run back into the church and tell them I miss them and want back. Another part of me is angry and wants to go into there and smash everything up. Another part of me wants to avoid it at all costs. I am convinced I have gone completely insane.

I don't know who I am and I am confused, angry and depressed. It's like I am going around in circles. What was the point in them telling me they thought I was great, amazing and a great friend if they decided not to talk to me when I moved.. They may as well of said "look we like you but if you leave the church we want nothing to do with you." That would of been so much easier. Instead of me feeling muddled.

I don't understand what the hell is wrong with me. I should just forget about them but I can't. It's like I am addicted or something. I don't understand it. I used to be religious. While I am not really religious some part of me still holds on to the belief of the church.

I am going in circles. I just don't know if this is a normal feeling.. I am not myself. I don't even remember what myself feels like anymore. What's more I am so used to the church making decisions for me that I absolutely hate making decisions. Sounds stupid but true.

Please if you read this I am not lying or trying to deceive anyone. I am just telling you how I feel. I have no reason to lie. I might be crazy. Chances are I am. But I am certainly not lying about this and have no reason to. I just want to let it out and see if I can get this out my system. Not likely but worth a try

Thanks

 

[echo]

it's not what we do but why,
what we do makes us who we are,
and its who we are not what that matters

[video=youtube;bVeZz5QnEFE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVeZz5QnEFE[/video]

 

[Terry]

As a regular church goer I can relate to what you are saying, but I would not want to be a part of a church that advocated leaving my family, or said that they would corrupt me.
Also, if you are only acceptable to them as a constant attendant, then something is very wrong with their set up.

Have you ever seen a doctor and talked about how you feel?
If not, I would suggest your first port of call should be your GP, it sounds as if you could benefit from some counselling or therapy.

 

[JmpMster]

I would suggest you consider counseling for separation anxiety or to learn some adjustment coping mechanisms. I can really understand your mixture of anger at the way they treated you for having moved. If it is difficult as clearly it is for you to adjust on your own and others in the lay world cannot understand the issues and help you make sense of it I truly believe a professional may be of help. Also, are you involved in a church where you are at now? Just because you left one church doe snot mean you cannot find a similar sense of belonging in another.