What the hell is wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Kris.T, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    I had been hanging out with a friend of mine for a couple of months. Started to feel an attraction, and started the flirting, to see if there was interest on her end. Sure enough, after all this time of trying to get to this point, as soon as she said she wanted something to happen.. The feeling i had upto that point vanished, and I'm now crushing on someone else ill never have a chance with.

    I now look at her as no more than a friend, after all this time, i now feel like shit for leading her on. How do i explain it to her, without coming across as the asshole ive been?
  2. hurttoomuch

    hurttoomuch Member

    Do you seek emotionally unavailable people? I did that and sort of got "hooked" on it, as the confusion of not knowing how things are going to proceed was a high. When I met a guy who was enthusiastic for me, I drew away as it felt strange. I didn't even realize this was what I was doing until I hurt this sweet man. I had to tell him that I needed to deal with things in myself first before being able to be in a healthy relationship. And...I did not accept any date offers from people afterward as I knew that it would hurt those who were only interested in being loved. Then I got too sick, so it became a moot point. :sad:
  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Maybe once you realize that the feelings are being reciprocated you get frightened due to it developing into something more. You could be afraid of getting too close to someone, or even just losing her as a friend.
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I agree with hurttomuch, perhaps you're attracted to people you can't have or know too well? Maybe the mystery and chase is the attraction, and once they become available to you or show an interest and you get to know them more, the mystery and chase is gone and you feel like there's nothing left to be gained from it? I know in regards to myself, I've never dated or even considered anyone who has ever shown a liking for me to asked me out, even though they've all been fairly decent looking, kind people that I've been able to get along with. Instead of that, I've always liked those who have been on the 'outside', those who I can't have, those I'm not that close to or know much about.

    It's something worth thinking about anyway. Though if the other person you're now interested in is a complete lost cause, maybe it's worth giving this current friend another shot? You say you're no longer attracted to her, but maybe the attraction could come back once you've accepted that this other crush is never going to happen & start focusing more on the original girl? Is it possible that your sudden lack of attraction to the original girl is because you've suddenly noticed this new girl?

    If you really don't want to date the original girl though, then the best way of letting her know is just by coming out with the truth and being honest with her. I don't think she'd appreciate it if you just try and beat around the bush, as then it might come over as if you pity her and that'd make her feel down and possibly rejected.

    Sorry for rambling. :unsure:
  5. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    Okay so I told her, and as I expected she was pissed off at me. I got slapped twice for being a 'head fuck' and for toying with her for so long. I think I lost a good friend today, I'm hoping that after a while, she will forgive me for leading her on, it was never my intentions.

    And I think maybe I do enjoy the mystery and chase, and that is a main attraction for me. I crush on girls I can't have for one reason or another. Although this is the first time I've ever gone through the whole, chasing and flirting stages, only to come out the other side, having the girl and realising it's not what I want, at all.

    I'm kind of hoping that I haven't lost a friend for good, and that this new crush I'm having doesn't end up like this one. I can't bare to put someone through this, and end up hurting them again.