So you decide to take the one day out of my week between therapies and turn it into the do all day? Let's have Purple_Thorn go to the dentist, the doctor, and then a family party! What were you thinking when you decided to do this to me? Actually, I know. You weren't thinking about my severe anxiety because you made these decisions when I was in the hospital and you didn't know I was this bad. I'm really only ready for one thing a day. It's exhausting, it's anxiety creating, and at the end of the day I'm just so done that I'm thinking suicide again. Because why not end it all when every single damn day is the same painful shit? And the family party... God. Only a handful of people know the truth about what I am going through. The rest of them? I don't even know? Will they understand when I leave after 20 minutes because I can't breath, want to cry, etc. You know, a panic/anxiety attack? They probably won't. Then they'll ask questions and you won't tell the truth. You'll skirt around it. I wish you could tell the truth about everything. Say that I was in the hospital, that I have severe clinical depression, severe anxiety, and am just trying to survive. You don't have to tell people about being suicidal or the cutting. But mom, what the hell? Why are you doing this to me? Why am I blaming you for this when it's really just that my brain is sick and making me feel this way. I'm just choosing you to blame. I'm a terrible daughter. And a terrible sister. I think that I don't like my sister. At all. I don't know if I hold any familial love for her at all. Damn I'm messed up.