I'm ashamed of my mothers nationality and her name. She doesn't want to change her name and in my country most people hate her nation. She said that is a shame to change name because of that and even workers in registrar's office told her that so she changed her mind. That is bothering me and it stops my motivation for anything. I had interest in sports- well i can't support any national team since i don't have nationality. I had interest in politics - same shit. I had interest in being a history teacher- same shit stops my motivation. ANd i'm good in all of these: politics and history. I'm thinking every night how to end my life, i'm too serious to other people, i take most things personally for some reason, i started looking like a weirdo, i can't focus, people think that i'm crazy and i'm ashamed to talk anyone about that except my mother and she HATES that subject and if i talk with anyone of my relatives they don't give a shit. Is that a mental or real problem? My realitves told me that i have mental problem, not real problem because never september 2011 that wasn't bothering me. It stopped in summer 2012 and then it came back in april 2014 and it didn't stop till then. I feel like I have some insect inside my head that is stopping me from anything. last few months this stopped but then i had another issue (a video on yt which i was talking about) and now again this is bothering me. I already found a place where i'm planing to do it and i need a tool which i will easly get. I'm kinda doubtful and scared. Still not sure if i should wait any longer or do it immediately. I want to die.