What to do if someone smiles demonically when they know you are suicidal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ryanglander, Dec 29, 2009.

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  1. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I have lots of problems, and am on no drugs, and see no therapist. (Though in the past I've tried both) This morning I had a pint of green tea, then I had a medium coffee from dunkin donuts at noon. I felt not really good, but decent all day.

    And now (unlike yesterday) I am thinking about a problem that won't leave my head. (Firstly my dad died, and 6 months ago I started posting that I was suicidal and seeking help, somehow my brother found out about the screen name and on Christmas said to me "I know about blank(the screen name that I no longer use). Then he kept on a demonic smile when no one was looking.

    His life pattern is suggestive of a nonviolent psychopath. But he is so suttle that when I tell my mom things she doesn't beleive me. If I told her about this she would beleive me that he said that, but she would either have a nervous breackdown, or somehow rationalize that my brother didn't know I was posting suicidal messages and perhaps only saw other messages. Thats just an example of the rationalization she would use.

    After my dad died my brother told me he wanted them to "save my dad's blood" [he was implying that he wanted them to clone him] (we were watching a family flick just me and my brother that had my dad in it, and when talking about how I missed him he said "save dad's blood and....". He finished in the middle of the sentence, he always does that so I cannot tell anyone because it could be interpretted in "not psychopathic way".

    I'm now not at my home. I'm afraid my brother will continue the psychological tormnent and I can't take it anymore. I have no one to tell. Hes said many disturbing things I won't type because my message is getting too long...

    What do I do? I have so many other problems, if I call a suicide line and he sees it, he will torment me over that (he may find it on the cell phone bill as we are all under my moms plan) and he will do it in such a way that my mom or no one would beleive me.

    I feel so alone, sad, terrible. Is what he did considered assisting suicide? The constant harassment is done so secretly and suttly no one will beleive me. I can't tell me mom because I would have to tell her I was suicidal.

    I can't take it anymore. Also he made many refferences to knowing that I'm suicide (including staring at the location of a rope I had hidden in the house to hang myself with). He would look at the location then smile "demonically" at me. After he did this two times I moved it and hid it. He knows I'm suicidal, and he smiles about it. (Also he is never nice to me). He only is nice to me in front of over people, but when no ones looking or when we are alone he started that demonic smile because he knows that I know that he knows I wrote that I was suicidal on the internet and he wants me to do it.

    I'm at the end of the road here, I don't know what else to do.

    To provide example to the above: I told people on internet I was suicidal because I was worried about doing and resume and specifically getting job references becaause I haven't any real friends. And when I told my brother about how I was going for a job he kept saying you need references! Meanwhile he was smirking. Also I asked online if I would become institutionalized if I told a doctor about my feelings. And a week or sooner after that post my brother said out of the blue I should be in a psych ward.

    My brother doesn't "actually know" that I'm suicidal. No one does. But he does know.

    What do I do like this, the only person I used to talk to was my mom, but now because my brother is in from school and doing this to me, I am staying at a hotel (this was planned before he arrived because hes been very cruel to me in the past - things I haven't even mentioned here).

    When someone is being so suttle and literally psychologically tormenting you to commit suicide, how do you solve this? I just can't take it, its too much.
  2. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I just want to clarify question. I need to do something. I am a stable individual, I just need to be steered what to do. (Yes it is possibly to kill yourself and be entirely stable I think)

    Hopelessness would be the cause of my suicide, not insanity. Just knowing that I MIGHT not be beleived. A psychopath has the advantage in this problem. I just can't beleive all of the cruel remarks, he actually wants me dead. And because its done in such a suttle manner, and in secrecy, and in vagueness (to an obsever but not ourselves) I feel like no one will beleive me. And I....

  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    You really want to know what to do? It's not going to be easy. You stop allowing him inside your head. When he smiles, give him one back. Don't look fearful in his presence, if that is your expression. Pretend like he doesn't bother you. Do it long enough, and realize he is no threat, and there will be a point where you no longer have to pretend, you genuinely won't be bothered.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I wish I had some advice (and hopefully someone who reads this will). I don't know what to tell you to do in that situation, other than to try and stay as far away from him as you can (I know, not very helpful).

    Is there anyone at all you can talk to that will listen to you? A family friend or someone?

    And just wanted you to know that I do believe you. You can PM me if you ever want to talk.
  5. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    You don't understand. I tried that. But he doesn't stop, he just gets worse, it feels like its at the point of harassment.

    If someone is smirking (as in I hope you do it) to someone whom they think is suicidal that is not acceptable. Nor can the suicidal person just brush it off. It would lead to built of confusion, anger, and severe mental problems I beleive in the long-run. (actually I'm already there).

    Would you have given yourself the same advice? I would hope not, its not the right thing to do and I strongly disagree with you.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sorry. I know it's not acceptable. I didn't mean it that way, but I know my post made it seem like I did. I'm jsut not sure, at least at the moment, what you should do. I guess I mainly replied to let you know that I'm listening.

    What you said is true, and I'm sorry my last post came across the way it did.
  7. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    It is ok, no is perfect. The intention is what matters. I have not posted on here since 6 months ago (which was right after my dad died) and now I just feel like its over.
  8. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 29, 2009
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like your brother is a sick individual.. I agree that when he speaks to you turn your back to him and walk away.. Leave the house if necessary..You don't have to stand there and be belittled by him.. You are letting him suck you in..Tell him to fuck off!!He knows how to push your buttons and only you can make him stop..Tell your mom that he is saying crazy stuff to you and you can't take it anymore.. I think you did the wise thing and moved into a hotel while he is home on break..
  10. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    No matter how much one wants to be able to ignore the behavior of others I know how hard it is. There is no easy solution.

    At the moment, you have a good short term solution of staying in a motel.

    Unfortunately the system of things doesn't do a single thing without documentation, a paper trail. Even with a paper trail a situation like this is not addressed by any existing services.

    These are the kinds of situations where an individual is usually "left out on the clothes line to dry" so to speak. You will have to develop your own solution.

    Because you are staying away from home specifically to not have contact with your brother, make sure you save all of your receipts. Keep a note book to log the things that happen, and when they happen, and to staple your receipts for steps you take that cost money.

    With the above established, should he try to contact you, call the police to report him. You then show the police that you are taking steps to stay away from your brother because of what he does and that the impact it is having on you is severe and you become physically ill because of it.

    This will start your paper trail. It will also give you the option of obtaining a restraining order. Save some money back in case court fees need to be paid.

    I recommend seeing a counselor again because this is the kind of situation in life that can unravel a person suddenly. I'm a stable person but I attempted suicide spontaneously because I felt so hopeless.

    It's not an easy road at all. Keep posting here and we will encourage you and you can let off all the steam you need to.

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