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What to do if you dont want to kill yourself?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by wastedmylife, Jul 15, 2008.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I am just stuck I have so many issues, when I joined last week I felt close to killing myself but now I have gone away from that feeling

    Should I kill myself?

    I am seeing a therapist But I dont think it is helping, he has even said he doesnt think therapy is helping me

    I felt like such a peace last week when I felt close to killing myself, now I feel like a crazy fuck with so many issues
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If your therapy isn't working amd the therapist thinks that then maybe they should try a different strategy. There are so many different ways of helping people deal with their issues and it is the therapists job to find which one works best for you. See if you can find that peace in the decision to live. Sometimes when we take one choice off the table, the stress leaves. Expend as much energy in thoughts of living as you were spending in thoughts of dying. :hug:
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I know the feeling of peace you are talking about, its when you have your plan made and you think you are ''entirely'' sure you will die soon and as that day approaches you become hyper and ecstatic, but just before your plan comes into practice, you drop back down to earth and think do i really need to go through with this , surely there is another way...I hope you find that other way, please try everything, if your therapy isnt working, you could always try CBT , just like Gentlelady said nowadays there is many ways of helping people. I wish you the best of luck hun :arms:
  4. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I dont think my therapist really cares, it is a free service and I get the feeling he doesnt want to see me, even when I try talking about some of the things bothering me I get the feeling he doesnt care, he usually does the talking and talks about things I dont really want to talk about, or I dont want to listen to what he says

    And like I said once before my real problem is some physical thing now where I am constantly dizzy and lightheaded, I have felt this way for about 2 months, I dont know if I can go on like this, I am constantly dizzy and my head just feels fucked up, I cant go on like this unless I start to feel better and I dont think I will feel better

    Also this guilt over my dogs leg getting amputated, which I cant get over and dont think I will be able to get over, nor do I deserve to get over

    Whatever life sucks, I pretty much dug myself in this hole, and probably deserve what I am getting in some ways

    Thanks for listening, or caring, or pretending to care, blaa blaa, life sucks, it is best to live life with a clean concience, something I blew when I allowed my dogs leg to get amputated and didnt get a 2nd opinion, or didnt do enought to help him before he starting having trouble walking
  5. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I woulden't worry that the thearpy isen't helping. As Daisychain has said, maybe you just need to try something else? However in my experience, thearpy never works, because no one can make you get better, you have to want it and do it for yourself. I'm not saying thearpy can't work, I'm just saying don't worry if it dosen't. because I've never met anyone who it has helped.

    So if thearpy dosen't work then what? I'm guessing your proably on meds? If not, then maybe it's time to go on some, see if they help a little? And if you already are, then see if a different dose, or a different med will help. Meds arn't the cure to problems, but they do make things easier.

    Ultimatly, your getting better depends on you working out why your unhappy, and then figuring out what your going to do about it. Sometimes people are unhappy for no reason at all, and this can be much harder to overcome, but genurally people have a reason, even if they don't know what it is. You need to explore you feelings, works out how you think, and why you think the things you do. Once you know, then you can begin to change them.

    I find that here is a great place to try and get an understanding of who you are. Just typing stuff out can help, even if your not trying to understand yourself, just saying what you think and feel can help. In the short term you need to keep yourself safe, and the people here can help with that to a small extent, let us know when your feeling shit, all we can do is listen and talk, but somtimes that can be enouth to help.

    Hope you ok,
  6. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I was on meds from 12/99-2003, I hated them, I dont believe in them, I had found some inner peace from about 2004-2005 and was feeling happy for the first time in my life then something happened in October 2005 and it put me on such a set back and I have been psychologically killing myself since then

    And are you saying therapy is a waste of time? Even though I usually get the feeling I am wasting my time the hour I am in therapy, it is pretty much the only thing I look forward to as it gets me out of my apartment and I think maybe I will have some breakthrough where I will start to feel better?

    I think I know what my problems are and I really believe it has manifested into a physical problem which is the way I have been feeling the last 2 months, I dont know if I can go on like this if this feeling is something I just have to accept
  7. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    What did you hate about the meds? I tend to find meds to help alot, but obviosly like everything, they don't work for everyone.

    It's good that you "found some inner peace" previosly, and I'm sorry that things have gotten shit again. What happend in October that changed things? If you could be happy before, then you should be able to be again, no matter what happend. However bad it was, you just have to identifie it, and then put it behind you, then you can start going back to being happy. It's not easy (Is it ever?) but it is worth it.

    And are you saying therapy is a waste of time?

    Not entirley, just that in my experience of different people, over a range of different thearopys, I've not seen the thearpy be the cause of them begining to feel better, and for me personally, thearpy was somthing that made me significantly worse. However it dose have it's positives, as you've said it's somthing to look forward to, and it get's you out of your appartment, and there is always the chance that it might help (There are people who are helped massivly by thearpy, as many on this site will give testimony to) Basically I'm just trying to say, don't worry if the thearpy dosen't seem to help right away.

    You said you know what you problems are, and that they've manifested themselves in to a physicall illness? I'm not really sure what you mean by that, but if you want to talk about it more, then I'll be here. I can promise that I can say anything to help, but I will try.

    I dont know if I can go on like this if this feeling is something I just have to accept

    This feeling is somthing you will have to accept. But only initially. You have to accept the feelings and try to stop them affecting you, while you deal with them, eventually you will get rid of them. but there will be a time when you have to accept them, and try to function with them there. When depression is at it's worst, we are in no state to begin dealing with it, but if we can accept it there, and decide to try and not let it infuence us, even for a little while, then we can try and deal with it, which we woulden't be able to do if it was still affecting us directly.

    All of this, is of course just my opinion on recovery, its what worked for me and is the advice I've given to other patients I met in the ward; some of them got better others didn't. Recovery is very dependant on the type of person you are, and how you "work" For some people, the things I've said may help, other people go down a more medication or thearpy based route. Basically, if what other people say, dose't help, or just dosen't make sense to you, then ignore it, and find your own way.
  8. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    again like I said my problem is I internalized this anger so long and it went right to my head, I was slowly killing myself for about a year and I woke up and I was all dizzy and lightheaded, there is something wrong with my head and I dont know what it is, I dont know if I want to live like this but whatever
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