What to do next

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CMHoffTX, Jan 26, 2007.

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  1. CMHoffTX

    CMHoffTX New Member

    I'm bi-polar and I attempted suicide by overdose two months ago. I took about twelve different psych meds, over a total of a hundred pills or so. I was unconscious for eighteen hours before someone found me. I aspirated my own vomit. I was rushed by ambulance to the ER and placed on a ventilator. I was in a coma for a month. My family was told I was going to die and if I didn't die, I would have brain damage.
    I can't begin to explain how awful the terrors were that I had when I was in a coma. I could hear the events around me, even the TV and my mind would manifest them into terrors. It's like your worst nightmare that you are unable to wake up from.
    When I woke up from the coma, I was still on the ventilator with a tube into my lungs and a feeding tube in my stomach as well as various other tubes in and out of different places.
    Getting to my point.... I was so happy to be alive, but as the weeks move on I find myself getting more depressed, dwelling on current and past problems, suicidal thoughts are creeping back, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Is this normal after an unsuccessful suicide attempt? Any advice?
  2. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    What an extraordinary story. Have you suffered any permanent damage?

    Of course it's normal. In other contexts, it's called regression to the mean. Getting better psychiatrically never happens in one fell swoop, on the back of a miracle. It's a hard slog that takes work.

    Best advice I can give?

    1. Talk to your pshrink. But don't let it turn your brain to mush.
    2. Take your meds.
    3. Exercize.
    4. Go to church.
    5. Find meaning, interest, joy, and gratitude in work. Particularly work that benefits others.
  3. CMHoffTX

    CMHoffTX New Member

    I've had some memory loss, nerve damage to the tongue from the breathing tube, and developed muscle tremors. I needed three surgeries for a mysterious mass on my hip and a huge hematoma on my foot from thrashing around during my coma. I still haven't recovered. I lost 50 pounds from lying in bed for so long, I needed physical and occupational therapy to learn how to function again.
    I only take one med now, depakote and I'm afraid of taking anymore. I don't want to become more suicidal from antidepressants.
  4. stillhere

    stillhere Active Member

    my aftereffects arent as bad as yours but my psych did ask me to take an anti-depressant which i refused.
    its hard to keep the suicidal thoughts from lurking again.. and this time its from my own accord
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