I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in about 11 hours. I'm not 100% sure what to say to him about something in particular. See, at one point, I was prescribed Vyvanse, a stimulant medication used for ADHD. It started to get where it just made me sleepy and didn't help with my ADHD, so about 8 months ago, I asked my psychiatrist if I could stop it. He said sure. Fast forward to now. I was depressed then, but the past 5 months or so have been very, very bad. Every day I wanted to die, there was almost no reprieves at all, just depression and suicidality. About 3 1/2 to 4 months ago, I took a leftover Vyvanse I still had out of desperation. When it kicked in, something glorious happened....it worked. I actually got off my ass and did things I needed to do that I had put off for months. I wasn't high or euphoric, but I was content with living. I felt like I could change things in my life. It was great. But, of course, it wore off, as meds do. I asked my psychiatrist after that if I could go back on Vyvanse and he said he didn't want to let me because he was afraid it would reek havoc on my bipolar disorder. He said we'd talk about it when school started back (which IS getting closer now....). I've found myself wanting to take a Vyvanse when I fully hit rock-bottom, when it feels like I can see no other option but to die. Sometimes I take one, sometimes not. I never take more than the one, and never more than once a week. I want to stress that I don't get high from it. It doesn't make me happy, even, just okay. And it makes me think more rationally and be less impulsive - and impulsiveness is a big problem with me. All of my suicide attempts were impulsively done. My case manager knows I am taking the Vyvanse, and as of late, after I told him what it did for me, he has not criticized me on it at all, almost even encouraging it. I am afraid of what to tell my doc today. Vyvanse is not meant to be used as an antidepressant. I don't know if I should tell him or what I should do. Any advice?