What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help her?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Regnes, May 4, 2013.

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  1. Regnes

    Regnes New Member

    There's this girl I've known for maybe half a year now, for the past few months we've been sort of playing around with the idea of dating. I knew right off the bat that she had some issues, at first I thought it was just low self esteem as she told me, but the past month it's gotten a lot worse. She's been shutting herself in a lot more, and I now know from her that she's started taking medications for depression, and is also suicidal. We were working around that, but last week it just went downhill fast.

    Something happened, and she just won't tell me what's wrong, she just stopped talking to people. On Wednesday she told me she attempted suicide by taking all of her pills at once, but threw them up, and how some guy made fun of her for cutting herself. I just don't know what to say to her, because sometimes she's happy talking to me, other times she's not, I can never tell until it's too late. She's said some things about us that makes me conclude our relationship is now on the rocks, but I'm just scared for her.

    She just says she wants to be left alone, so I told her I would stop texting her for a while. I'm scared because I know I can't just be content leaving her to her own devices, but I don't know what to say to her, I've said everything I can think of. That I'm her friend, that I want to be with her, that it would hurt me and many others so badly if we lost her.

    I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    You hun cannot do anything b ut tell her parents tell someone in charge that can get her to the supports she needs to stay safe. YOu can call a crisis line and tell them where she lives and that you believe she is going to harm herself You can call her parents ok tell a teacher a councilor at your school She may be upset at you for doing this but you have to do what is necessary to keep her safe She has put you in a very hard place hun and you cannot deal with this on your own You tell someone ok so she can get the help she needs before it is too late
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Hi there, you need to tell someone, she obviously needs immediate help. Could you contact her doctor about your concerns for her safety(I don't know where you live so I don't know if they will allow that) but someone needs to intervene. Let her know you're there for her and she is not alone. Maybe show her this site? Maybe we can help. Good luck and come back if you need more advice.
     
  4. 4:48psychosis

    4:48psychosis Member

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Hi
    It could be a number of things. She may have grown up in an abusive home (physically and/or sexually abusive), and opening up to someone is a whole can of worms due to this. She may feel that it is impossible for her to open up, hence cutting herself off from you. The severing of ties is very common with abuse victims.

    You said she SI's - this would tie in with the abuse.

    To me, from the info you gave here, it seems this could be a possibility (I've been in a similar situation before and had such a reaction).

    The other alternative (probably unlikely) is that she doesn't like you and is telling you anything to get you to stop contacting her. Again, this is unlikely, but is possible.

    What age is she?
     
  5. Regnes

    Regnes New Member

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Thanks for the replies, but unfortunately this whole thing with her was a lot bigger than what I could ever have imagined. I can't help her, and I won't help her, knowing the truth now, she's on her own.

    Her mom, whom I have actually known much longer and still get along with, she came to talk to me today, she told me the truth. The truth is, there is nothing that girl says that can be trusted, she lies about pretty much everything. Literally every single horrible thing she confided with me, it was all false. She turns on literally everybody who cares about her, makes some sob story up so others will feel sorry for her. I know now she's told people that I'm some sort of creepy stalker. She lied to me that her grandpa has lung cancer which ended up cancelling our first date, and she's even told the ministry of families before that her Dad beat her. Even the suicide thing was played out because I now know her dad has always counted out her pills for her.

    That's just a small example of the things I know she has lied about, but the gist of it she has no respect for anybody in this world. I've decided that despite all the horrible things she's lied about, I still knew her, and whatever good she has in her shined through. I think her Mom was correct, but perhaps too cynical, because there are some things the girl told me that strike me as true. I don't think she's doing this for attention right now, I think she's maybe facing the reality of what she's done to everybody around her. I like to think she maybe did have genuine feelings for me, and wished to drive me away because of what she did to me. I've decided to still care about her, but I will never help her again, and I hope she never reaches out to me again. I can either be sympathetic, or vindictive, and I'm not a pretty sight when I'm out to spite somebody.
     
  6. codemind

    codemind Member

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Hi Regnes,

    I understand that you don't want to help her anymore but... If someone lies that much there is probably something wrong after all. It could be that she has some psychological problems caused by something you don't know about. Nobody lies just for the fun of pushing everybody away. And the result of what she's doing will indeed push everybody away but maybe somebody should step up before she really harms herself. If it continues and everybody is really gone she will be all alone one day and people without any social contacts are even more vulnerable to commit suicide.

    I'm not saying that you should be the one to step up but if I were in this situation I would talk again to her parents and ask them if she ever saw a psychologist. If not I think it wouldn't be a bad idea if they try that.

    After all that I have gone through myself I try to see everybody as a good person. People do bad things for a reason and the cause can always be found and in most cases resolved.
     
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    I would help even someone I don't like in order to prevent them from dying. Now you can go further with trying to get professionals and/or authorities to check on her, since it won't matter if it makes her mad at you or not.
     
  8. Regnes

    Regnes New Member

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    I asked her Mom if she's ever seen a shrink, I think I recall her saying they're looking into it as the past half year has been an absolute nightmare for them. To clarify, when she lied about her Grandpa having lung cancer, it wasn't just me she said that to, she tried to lie to her own parents about it, that's probably the moment they should have done something I suppose.

    I'm staying out of this for my own good, she backstabs everybody who gets close to her, and people tend to believe her because she seems so normal on the outside, just some lovable kid. Her mom convinced me that my name was going to be dragged through the mud if I continued involving myself, and that it was her burden alone to carry.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2013
  9. 4:48psychosis

    4:48psychosis Member

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Regnes;

    There are probably deep-rooted issues at play here.

    I understand your hurt/anger as you personally feel violated, but I'd suggest you forgive her and set down the bag of negativity you are carrying. It'll eat away at you, and a bad seed will take root within you. The product of your present frame of mind won't produce any good for you. Maybe given a few days you will see things slightly differently.

    Hope that helps a little.

    Like the other reply, there is more at play than someone simply being 'manipulative' for the sake of it. When your emotional response to the situation has been given time to have more objectivity, you'll possibly see the issue with more lucidity.

    All best wishes
     
  10. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Hi Regnes,


    I know it is a difficult situation for you to be in as you obviously cared about this girl, but very hurt at the lies that she has told you. It is obvious that this girl has some very severe psychological issues, and despite her lying, she does need people's help and support right now. She seems to be genuinely ill. It's up to you if you want to take a step back or not, but I think she will probably fear loneliness, but can't help deliberately doing silly things to push people away e.g the lying. I think when you are ready and have had time to process what's been happening, you should remember why you were friends with this girl and liked her as that is who she really is, not the horrible things she's done as a result of her illness.
     
  11. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Re: What to do when a friend is admittedly suicidal and just won't let anybody help h

    Why don't you try reading up on psychology and suicide, instead of guessing what you should or should not do. Also if your her friend stay by her side through this incredible difficult time.
    Oh dear " she's on her own" great friend you've turned out, try looking up emotional involuntarism, sounds like your cup of tea.
     
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