what to do when i am in trouble

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadcat, Oct 4, 2015.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    from last night:

    Tonight I am feeling like an outcast. Outcast from life and family and friends.
    I work hard to help others, but I still feel unliked and unwanted.

    When I was young - I was treated badly by family. That caused me to self harm myself for 17 years. And through out life I have felt I was on the outside of everything ; never a part of things. I felt that way in religion , school, and in general.

    Now, I feel my life is ending. I see the signs all around me. And I am weary from all my problems. I no longer feel like fighting back. Am considering stopping all of my herbal chemo. I just do not care any more. My latest reading indicates that the special medicine for which I stopped taking all opiates - will only add a few months of life. That’s not good enough for all the pain and difficulty it presents. And I was turned down for regular chemo – supposedly because I wanted the special medicine

    today I am feeling a bit better , and am trying to express my needs here for the future, because i do not know what to do when i get into trouble.

    so here goes:

    when i come to the suicide forum - it is for suicide problems. It is because i can not discuss suicide thoughts or problems anywhere else. yet when i come here - the triggering room is always empty, and if i go there no one else does any longer. they used to - way back.

    so , I do not know what to do. I am not going to tell the doctors that I am in trouble from all the hormone therapies, and the herbal chemo I am on , because they will cut my meds and i will , simply die . that is what they did the last time i mentioned I was having emotional / suicidal problems.

    so i come to this suicide forum . but i do not know how to reach out when i am sick -- i freeze up . I cannot express myself. I was very badly abused when i was young . I was left to suffer horribly. and the result, is that i can not reach out when i am in trouble. so i am lost . i am lost now .

    i honestly do not know what to do

    i tried to express myself to a kind person on the chat room - and they tried to help me , but basically they said - tell the doctors what is happening. And i can not do that because i know they will cut me off from the meds. so i am stuck . i am back in my own little hell. and i don't know what to do . my life is very painful. i don;t want to live any more. no one cares.

    is anyone out there? why am i alive?
  2. Bloomscarlet

    Bloomscarlet New Member

    I understand how you feel and I too suffered abuse in early life. I hope that life may bestow balance one day but until that day comes, there are still people out here who care. I ruined a relationship but the person I hurt still cares for me deeply. I do understand how you feel and it's okay to feel what you feel , to acknowledge your suffering is to heal.
  3. wrbotha

    wrbotha Member


    I understand this. I am here because i cant talk to anyone about this. My girlfriend, who is very close to me, cannot undertsand and just ends up taking things personally. She thinks only about her self, which is...well, its just not going to help talking to her about it, or anyone else.

    2 days ago i was seriously considering suicide, and it just made total sense for a few moments. What got me out was thinking how those closest would react. And i felt sorry for them, esp. my mum.

    I also tried the chat here a few days ago. It was empty, and the help from admin here is not really helpful. Mostly just protocol type responses which are unreal for me.

    Talking to othere here helps a bit, like your suggestion to me to help others. That was a helpful thing to consider actually.

    Sincere best wishes

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