What to do when the puppet-master calls ?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Trip the Dark fantastic, Jan 6, 2008.

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  1. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    And now even my shadows are giving birth to its own kind. Sharp casts of what might have been......no more fuzzy images hoovering at the corner of your eyes....Curiosity finally kills the curious one...Death wishes seductiveness finally is seducing and bedding its disciples....

    How graphic do you want to picture your death? It is true, there is a calm before the storm and I know, that this is because life is giving you a throwaway opportunity to perform the final love-making act with it, so that you hold back.....

    Make no mistake, at this very moment you read lines from a someone who has prepared meticulously, who listens right now to "show me the river to drown all my sorrows" ,who has discussed with solicitors how to put to paper the last will and was -very likely- exposed as suicidal....too keen of talking about "what happens when I am finally..." instead of " In the unlikely case of my death....".

    Have you ever observed the brutal certainty that you have been found out in the eyes of someone, who instinctively knows that you are not discussing a "what if.." scenario but a "What next after my death...."?

    Tonight I die, tonight all the little excursions into the world of the living find their crossing-points in the palm of my hand... tonight, I really am the puppet-master..alas, the strings are held by the master of other strings...

    "Don't do it, we love you..." is nothing but the battle-cry of an army lost in the cold fog of my desperation.... "hold out, there always will be another sunrise" is mocking my universe, in which my black sun tries forever to seduce my black planet and winning, giving birth to black hopes... Never fulfillable... forever tempting you to paint on a black canvass. My Creon's have been black since my birth...How does life expect me to mock Mona Lisa's smile...?

    But I digress.. Final insights into life, death the universe and everything....

    Make sure you separate yourself from the memories with tears in your eyes...the veil of those tears may prevent you from seeing your memories clearly. Uncatchable moments of pleasure seem much more real...

    Be afraid of the precise moment death becomes finally part of your life....it forces you to write down thoughts like I'm doing right now...incomprehensible and nonsensical for none but the chosen brethren. My infernal fire burning fierce letters, desperately trying to communicate the enigmatic....

    And finally, make sure that those you are so frantically asking for forgiveness in your ever widening circles of desperation, will be able to comprehend the merciless fierceness of your inner demons....

    My puppet-master is calling now...and because there is nothing permanent except change, I gladly follow the calling and turn from a crocodile to the enchanted price....The very prince, who so desperately tried to claim his crown all my life.

    I wish you well my dark twins, I embrace your puzzled minds and I hope, life will continue treating you well....



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  2. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    A little over my head but you certainly have a way with words. If you happen to change your mind maybe you could try the path of a writer.
     
  3. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    I couldn't go through with it ! Choosing desperation as the father of your thoughts ended in failure. What went wrong ? Or for those of you who cared; what went right?

    There are no simple answers. On the battlefield of my mind, the flight or fight response ended in an uneasy truce. However, just because my survival instincts condemned me yet again to the boot-camp....just because failures drill-sergeant shouts again in my face, just because I again join the ranks of the living does not mean I'll fall on my knees before the altar of life's tin-gods...

    I truly am dazed and confused... Casting my feelings of shame and guilt aside, I don't know what to do next. Time to regroup my shadows...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2008
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