What to do when there is nothing left

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Borrowed time*, Aug 29, 2010.

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  1. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    As the title says
    Im sorry that i keep posting when im so miserable.
    There really is nothing left for me here. I have no friends, i will never have a boyfriend, my family hate me yet i still have to live at home. Im giving up my animals to homes that will love and care for them instead of some one just going through the motions plus it will stop the woman who gave birth to me moaning about the electricity. Im going to leave my job before they fire me. I dont enjoy anything any more.
    I just dont no what to do any more.
    Oblivion seems so sweet
     
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hun, hang on. You have lots to live for. Your pets need you. We love you here.:hugtackles:
     
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    When I personally reached that point I turned my life to Yahweh and gave up my old way of life. I tried doing things his way, and now I am happy and content. My point is this, there is always something you can do, if what you are currently doing isn't working do something else. If you do not like who you turned out to be, rediscover what you wanna be like. Change is not that hard once you put your mind to it, but it does require doing something different if you expect different results. Blessings..
     
  4. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Like what? My own mother told me to die today

    Who is Yahweh? Change is hard when i cant even do the job i have wanted to do since i was a kid. Im not even sure what i want to be like. Just not like the way i am now. I no i need to change but im stuck living at home still. My pets are part of the reason and also financial.
     
  5. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    My opinion is that you turn to the little things that make you happy and try to survive on that until you find something new. I wouldn't recommend quitting your job, that will make things much harder for you. But if you feel your job adds to your low mood then perhaps you need a break or need to do something that's more interesting in your perspective.

    What I have learned in the past 3 years under the mental health system is that if they can't help you then only you can help yourself. Or only you can trigger the marble that will nudge others to try to understand you and help you. I know it's very hard to try your best when you feel so low and if someone had said this to me when I was at my worst I would have just sighed and thought "how could he/she possibly understand what I'm going through?" and yes that is a cliche quotation. I don't promise you a happy future I'm just saying that you may be able to handle it a bit better than you do now. You will have your ups and downs but they will gradually become more bearable.

    Just stay alive and the urge to die will dim down with time. The urge to live may not budge much but at least you'll be able to control your actions.
     
  6. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Thank you, that does make sense but the urge to die has been with me since i was a kid. I cant remember how old i was when i first tried to kill myself. I think i was about 12, my memory isnt very good. It has been getting steadily worse to the point i dont enjoy anything in life any more. I cant remember the last time i actually sat down with a good book or enjoyed a meal.
    I came to the conclusion today that there is no point, im not wanted. Im needed sometimes but that is by my selfish family and im not prepared to stay around just incase they want the washing machine fixing or need me to ring some one for them. There is no life with no direction, no goals, no happiness. I just dont want to live any more. Imnot doing it now, my goal is before xmas, the added bonus is i dont have to go through another miserable birthday on my own and waiting for a new grey hair to grow.
     
  7. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    I won't lie to you. I still feel exactly the same too. I'm not being biased when I say this. If you've ever attempted and failed twice then chances are that you will find it very difficult to succeed. And if you keep failing, people will make your life seem worse by making you feel guilt or in worse cases by letting you know that they are annoyed and stressed with you're attempts. If they begin with guilt then it is likely that they will end with annoyed and stressed if the guilt did not stop you attempting.

    If the people closest to you become annoyed and or stressed they will start behaving like you would expect of a stressed person; they will stop considering your emotional needs and go back to considering theirs. It is then that you will feel really lonely and unwanted. This is the peak of a suicidal person without any hallucinations. At this point you will plan an attempt in secret. You may give hints that you acknowledge and hints that you do not acknowledge. Then you will go on and put the plan in action with a 85% chance of failing. Some cases the person does not have the guts to go through with the plan. In other cases, rarely the person is caught and sectioned by a close aquaintance before they attempt.

    Sounds like I'm reciting a book, sorry. The point is I've been suicidal too since age 12, I'm now 18. In this time I've learned that it's not as easy as we thing to take our lives. Especially when you live in the UK where there are laws to keep things you can kill yourself with out of being obtained.

    If you're going to try it for the first time then you will most likely fail. Depending on your chosen method you will still most likely get found and sectioned. Second attempts and more will land you in hospital again and again till you realise it's not so easy and it's not nice in mental hospitals as they take away most of your freedom.

    I'm not telling you not to die and I'm not telling you to live. I'm just telling you to make sure you've made an informed decision.
     
  8. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    You will keep making deadlines and you will keep missing them for some reason or another. The best decisions are made when you are not feeling low.


    And most people who succeeded in suicide didn't tell anyone of their plans because they were very sure about what they wanted and didn't want any ways of getting caught.

    Medication I hear has helped a few people to cope. Some like me just live on and bear with it. Most others keep trying and failing and getting caught and put in hospitals. And the very small number succeed because they didn't give any hints and were very secretive about it all. Because they put a smiling mask on to disguise the hurt and pain they felt emotionally.
     
  9. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    This is the first time i have made a dead line, before it was just a spur of the moment thing. The only person who knows about my previous attempt is my Mum all she could come up with is that i couldnt even do that right.
    I dont need medication, im just being realistic. There is nothing in my life to stay around for. There is no way i will be caught you have probably heard it before but im 99.9% sure no one will find me. The time scale is just so i can organise a few things.
    As for my family making me feel guilty and then just ignoring me been there doing it at the moment. Theres 7 people in this house and not one person is talking to me. They wouldnt even notice if i was gone.
    No one knows of my plans and im not planning on leaving a letter so there is no chance of any one finding out.
    I know what you mean about a smiling mask, iv got one more week off work it will be hard to put that smile back on. Im probably just being stupid, iv never been through a traumatic event or experienced the death of a relative but this is something i have to do.
    Thank you for your replies
     
  10. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    I understand. I felt the same because I too don't actually have a valid reason for wanting to die. All I can say now is I wish you all the best with your decision. If you have anything you want to ask me about then feel free to email me :smile:
     
  11. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Thank you
     
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