What to do when words won't come out?

[panicbutton]

Its the most blunt way to put it. I can no longer discuss things. I cannot make words come out when I'm bothered and should talk. More times than not, i get caught in an internal conversation loop. Wishing i could open my mouth and say something but i get so anxious and paranoid, overwhelmed with like this giant, 9ut of proportion internal response happens and nothing comes out. When i do start to talk, i advert to discuss something thats easier to talk about or change subjects entirely, or i fall silent after a few tries. Sometimes its just too much energy to exert? I dont know. Anyone else have these problems? Close to? Over come it?

 

[HappyKitty]

Yeah. Thats partly because of anxiety, ideas always comes in later, always fumbling into other words I didn't want to use and agitation etc. I can suggest writing down before speaking or if during speaking, it is okay to ask for help on "what am I trying to say," and for my case, in design schools, I'm trained to speak visually, like I often have time putting into words so much or trouble finding design terminologies to communicate, it is fine to use pictures or memes to show it to others of what we really trying to say. We're never alone so I'm pretty sure google has everything.

 

[Grok]

It happens to me a lot.

Sometimes it feels like too 'much' to communicate, tears will well in my eyes as I struggle not be silent. Even posting can do similar to me.

If you have someone you can rely on for support, it would be worth telling them (via text or when you feel ok) to look for non-verbal sign when you need that support.

 

[panicbutton]

Thank you both so much. Yeah even text/posting is more often than not too hard to explain my insides. I want to try writing before talking.

 

[Grok]

One therapy 'trick' that might help is the unsent letter.

Essentially you write out a letter to someone, explaining your feelings while knowing you don't intend on actually sending it. It can give a feeling of safety, as you know it's not going to be read by anyone while giving practice to the skill of expressing yourself.

Posting and replying here is also good, but you may write deeper when you know there will be no critics or permanence. Plus you can burn/shred/destroy it in fun ways afterwards to finish the venting.

(Actual burning of everything not recommended)

 

[panicbutton]

I will try that. I dont get any alone time really to write privately and openly. Tho the constant being with someone has helped me stay very safe.

 

[Nick]

I struggle with this as well. I don't really have any answers for you here. I more wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this. Given enough time I can muddle it out, but reality is that people are busy, life is busy, and there isn't really the time for that. I'm not sure how to overcome it or what the best solution is. If I find one I'll be sure to share it though.

 

[richard 1998]

Not sure if you are talking about this:
something that always helped me is being aware that you dont have to answer right away.
You could try intentionally waiting before answering each time.
I always wait at least 3 seconds to answer.. If its a difficult answer its also perfectly ok to wait longer...
Im not sure if this could help curb your anxiety but it did help me...
Sometimes when its about facts or so (for me for example about legal questions, that make me anxious) its perfectly okay to say that you dont know it right now, but you can look it up...

And when I feel emotionally overwhelmed, I either try distance myself a bit (for example: not: "I have difficulties talking about this but...", instead: "Sometimes people struggle with certain topics due to prior experiences... " or if that doesnt work I excuse myself and leave (which usually is OK too. )

Sorry Im not sure if this is what you meant, but perhaps this could help you..

 

[dandelion s]

I may have some similarities. Here are three or so points I'll try to make (in no particular order).
• lately there is much I need to talk about with my wife. And every opportunity, I kind of think about saying things but just don't. It's not like I decide not to, its just that the words don't show up to start talking.
• I love to write creatively. Although lately I've been having the worst writer's block, as needed, I can write to express things. Lots of this ends up being posts on this site or texting to my therapist. It can get long and involved. There is something freeing in putting the words down. It may take time for you but maybe you can give it a try. I do agree with @Grok . I also think if you think of communication as creative writing, it frees up some space in the head so it's like you are saying what's on your mind but doesn't have the inhibiting effect of talking to someone. Then, if you are still having trouble writing, a trick I've used is to just write gibberish. This can be very effective because sooner or later it does develop into coherent thoughts written down and strengthens the expressing muscle in general.
• sure I had another point or 2 but where they are now, I do not know. Hoping I've been helpful. I'll try to remember my other thoughts.

 

[panicbutton]

I will try to slow down with the intent of answering, but hopefully in a slightly more timely manner than what i do now. These days im not not ready to say anything for one to three days after something's been said. Even then. Most of the time i say nothing. This can be from regular conversations to heavier ones, to even reactions to things said.

I think doing the writing again might help. I need to make the time for it and use my journal here more.

 

[richard 1998]

I will try to slow down with the intent of answering, but hopefully in a slightly more timely manner than what i do now. These days im not not ready to say anything for one to three days after something's been said. Even then. Most of the time i say nothing. This can be from regular conversations to heavier ones, to even reactions to things said.

I think doing the writing again might help. I need to make the time for it and use my journal here more.

is group conversation your main issue? And what about one on one conversations with a friend?

 

[panicbutton]

Groups im quiet but respond when spoken to. Individually, and talking about anything that involves me i shut down pretty hard.

 

[Daerae]

I have that, can't talk most of the time.
Sometimes my thinking goes in overdrive, rattling through all the things you could possibly say and how you could say them and how the other may respond and then how to go from there...
And I get stuck in this and words won't come out. Eventually I zone out, it more and more happens that I skip the thinking phase and as soon as any sort of non-autopilot-conversation is about to happen I zone out right away, basically just ignoring others. To any question I just answer "I don't know" as default.
It's just getting worse and worse, any conversation is so high pressure to me now, I honestly don't know how to get out of this. So yeah, can relate, but no idea on overcoming.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Seems like everyone has said this already. Writing really helped me... I never did speaking. And for the most part I do now.
Someone said to me re teaching that a student writing it is easier because writing takes the subconscious and puts it down.
I found once I wrote something enough then it was easier to find the words, or write them and share what I wrote, text, email etc.

 

[Wispiwill]

I get this too - and it affects me when messaging people so it's not just talking out loud, it's typing too. Sometimes it's like you said and I have a billion possibilities going through my head and I can't sort them out enough to work out what to actually write. Sometimes I find that I'm so tired I feel like I can't pick up my hand enough to type.

What helps is if the person I'm talking to keeps asking me questions. I start of monosyllabic but, after a while, I can start to get out of it. But it takes time.

Not sure if that helps you at all.

 

[Peppers]

Hi that sounds like a kind of word fog. I have it sometimes due to being overtired. My housemate has it a lot too but not sure his reasons.

 

[tlaud]

I would like to share some personal history about my experience, and please take it with an open mind.

When I was lying in my hospital bed the evening after brain surgery and a bandage around my head, I saw my wife sitting there with a rip in the bottom of her jeans. I pointed at it and what I said was, "Blah, blah, blah, blah." I also couldn't read more than one sentence. I still have expressive aphasia (please google if needed), but not close to that initial episode.

I knew it was not right, so I dug in to do the work needed to move forward as much as possible - not to be as good as I was. Now please understand that I have also been a physical therapist for 25+ years, and what I do is try to get patients to move forward by what they do independently when we are not spending time together.

Some people choose not to do something they are not good at because they feel "uncomfortable." Imagine a speech class in school, when the anxiety level the first time standing up in front is stressful. Then imagine how it feels better the next time, and the next time. Hell, practice talking out loud with some idea that just popped into your head. And the recent post just popped this question into my crazy head is this - is texting a component of feeling uncomfortable by decreasing verbal communication?

I don't know if this hits home to anyone, but when I have a flat tire, I need to fix it. My hope is that this response makes sense and is not perceived as an aggressive reply.

 

[AnnJS]

@sunnypseudo, I am a speech-language pathologist who has worked with a variety of communication disorders. What you are experiencing is a form of selective mutism, your anxiety is affecting the language areas of your brain that help you formulate your expressive language. (Please google selective mutism now sometimes called situational mutism as well, I think you will agree the definition fits. This will open up a whole world to you about treatment.) Some responses you can handle, others you cannot. Psychologists are best trained to work on these types of issues. Writing in a journal is going to be the easiest form of expression for you because there is no one to read it (hopefully!) therefore no fear of judgment. Texts and writing on a forum are the next level because while there may be the fear of judgment, there are ample opportunities for revision. Speaking to others therefore is the most difficult - judging and no chance of revision.

You’ve gotten some great suggestions here. I would just add a few others -

You say you don’t have a lot of alone time, but when you are able try whispering or talking softly to pets or stuffed animals. They don’t judge at all and give you an opportunity to develop some rehearsed responses you can practice.

Please try to get professional help with a psychologist and a physician. Controlling your anxiety and any underlying depression is paramount!

Keep an accomplishment journal. Before you go to bed write down 2-3 times you were able to speak that day. Give yourself a star or happy face for each accomplishment. Be an easy grader! Give yourself credit even if you just tried! Eventually you will find yourself looking for comfortable situations where you can talk just so you can write those down. Over time you can be proud of all your attempts and accomplishments.

Please research this more. You are going to find you are NOT alone in this. And that should bring you some level of comfort.

 

[Mr Pryce]

Its the most blunt way to put it. I can no longer discuss things. I cannot make words come out when I'm bothered and should talk. More times than not, i get caught in an internal conversation loop. Wishing i could open my mouth and say something but i get so anxious and paranoid, overwhelmed with like this giant, 9ut of proportion internal response happens and nothing comes out. When i do start to talk, i advert to discuss something thats easier to talk about or change subjects entirely, or i fall silent after a few tries. Sometimes its just too much energy to exert? I dont know. Anyone else have these problems? Close to? Over come it?

What do you think it is? Are you nervous? anxious? or just broken down and stressed that you dont feel like speaking? Once you answer this question of what the reason is for you finding it hard to speak. You will be able to find a solution and then focus on the recovery.