What to do when you are afraid of yourself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sugar Magnolia, Aug 11, 2014.

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  1. Sugar Magnolia

    Sugar Magnolia New Member

    Hi everyone. I have not really made a thread before, but Its sort of an introduction plus what I'm thinking today.
    I have emetophobia. Fear of vomiting. Yes its silly but its consumed my life for almost 5 years now. Back in April, I was done. So done I committed suicide. And It unfortunately failed and landed in a psych hospital. This place was hell. (thats a whole different story, but they are in trouble for not doing and helping like they should of) So for 9 days after my attempt, I was locked in a place 2 hours from home and only got to visit with my family once (due to it being 2 hours away)

    Anyway, so I have this phobia of throwing up. Anything that could make me feel sick, or get sick I avoid. I get obsessive about germs and am always convinced its going to come. Its a terrible way to live. I just wish I would of succeeded cause Im still now stuck being afraid of my own body. Everyday I get up and Im nervous, scared its going to come. The anticipation is killing me. I have bipolar, and right now I am taking seroquel. It helps with my anxiety all right but I (in my bipolar way) a few weeks ago, was like ohhh I am feeling better I want to come off. Well it gave me such intense panic, such bad depression, and thats the only thing that is still lingering.

    I think of suicide, as option C. Theres always that third option. What other option do I have when I hate living in my body, when Im scared of it, of myself.
    No matter what I do in therapy, it does not take my fear away. I've done everything I can possibly think of. I feel I have no options left.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You learn to live with your anxiety new ways to cope with it take medication to help It is a phobia and phobias can be treated
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