I just found this forum and it seems like maybe some folks here will be able to relate. I screwed up epically--not in a "maybe you didn't" way. I did. Due to my mental health issues, I bailed on a huge professional commitment that affects a lot of other people and fell off the face of the earth months ago. I'm now trying to wrap up this situation by saying I've been sick, apologising, and trying to move forward with my life, but... Folks are really, really angry at me. And they have a right to be; I let a lot of people down and caused a mess that other people have had to clean up. My reputation in an entire professional field is shot. I already live with depression, anxiety, and suicidal feelings, and having to confront what I've done, and this totally justified anger, feels like too much to handle. How do you deal with hating yourself when you screwed up so badly that you actually probably should? I'm filled with so much self-hatred and so much shame. I know on some level I deserve it, but it also feels impossible to continue living feeling this way. It's hard enough as someone who always feels at fault even when it's a mental distortion... in this case I actually am at fault. I don't think I deserve to be forgiven.