What to do when you've really screwed up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by catnaps, Aug 16, 2016.

  1. catnaps

    catnaps New Member

    I just found this forum and it seems like maybe some folks here will be able to relate.

    I screwed up epically--not in a "maybe you didn't" way. I did. Due to my mental health issues, I bailed on a huge professional commitment that affects a lot of other people and fell off the face of the earth months ago. I'm now trying to wrap up this situation by saying I've been sick, apologising, and trying to move forward with my life, but... Folks are really, really angry at me. And they have a right to be; I let a lot of people down and caused a mess that other people have had to clean up. My reputation in an entire professional field is shot. I already live with depression, anxiety, and suicidal feelings, and having to confront what I've done, and this totally justified anger, feels like too much to handle.

    How do you deal with hating yourself when you screwed up so badly that you actually probably should? I'm filled with so much self-hatred and so much shame. I know on some level I deserve it, but it also feels impossible to continue living feeling this way. It's hard enough as someone who always feels at fault even when it's a mental distortion... in this case I actually am at fault. I don't think I deserve to be forgiven.
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Catnaps, we all deserve to be forgiven. Even if we screw up big time. After all, screwing up is a very human thing to do. It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can to make things right. Its just not possible to undo some things. Then all you can do is apologize. Those who can't forgive you are really not worth worrying about. They are cold hearted people. And mistakes can make for learning experiences. I am sure you will not repeat this one. Now the trick is to forgive yourself. Nope, I don't have any magic formula on how to do that. It is so much easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. But given time you can put this behind you and move on to better things.
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    That sounds hard. I sort of know what you mean. I let some people down in a group project. Hugs. Try to be nice to yourself.
     
  4. catnaps

    catnaps New Member

    Thank you both so much for your replies, I really appreciate it.