It is hard to live in this world when money is needed. I currently do not work because I have something wrong with me and they are trying to get me a new prescription. The side effects can cause much pain and no one understands. I also have bowel issue that I have dealt with for a year but never got a diagnoses. My mom says it is just stress but I cant control it. She does not understand. Even with this problem I got a job and it was miserable. I still had the pain and could not eat or it would affect my bowel. I had to call out of work many times because it was too bad. Then I got a different job for more hours and I still had the problem. I had to endure countless headaches and could not eat or it would affect me. I tried many different foods and nothing helped. It has gotten better now but I still have problems once or twice a week and my mom keeps asking me to get a job because she cant pay the bills because of all the food i eat. I don't even eat that much. I have been called fat and dumb all my life by family. My mom always told be to lose weight. When I was in middle school I was still called fat and she said I needed to lose weight. I was 130 back then. She always says there is nothing wrong with me and you can get a job. I suffer from bad pain with the new prescription and bowel problems and she doesn't even understand. My stress is so bad and she still doesn't understand. I know I have anxiety and that makes problems worse but she still does not care. She makes me go to family things where I am embarrassed and nervous. I can't take it. When I did go to the doctors for headaches she prescribed me an antidepressant and she said I didn't need that. My doctor told me about seeing a counselor. I didn't tell my mom but she would say i wouldn't need one. She has no idea how i feel each day. I have cut myself multiple times in places she could not see. I even choke and punch myself. I never thought I would self harm but the pain feels better than the emotional pain. I currently don't drive because I don't have a job. I wouldn't be able to see a counselor because she would be the one driving me. She would mock me and tell everyone so simplistic and make it to be not a real problem. She doesn't understand how hurt I am. I cant take it anymore. She always tells people why I wouldn't come by basically saying I have diarrhea or something. She makes it like it isn't a real thing. I know I have bowel issues. She thinks it is just because of my period. But I have bowel issues all the time and never before. She doesn't understand how much stress has hurt me. I never felt right since the age of 12. I am 23 now. I have no support from siblings. They know how bad home is but never ask for me to come stay. I don't know what to do. She puts everything on me and tells me I shouldn't have stress because I don't work anymore. She doesn't understand that stress was not only from that. What should I do? I want to move out but have now job. I cant stand my family or her. I will never be able to get the help that I need. She always compares my problems to her. She used to eat bad and drink soda and that is why she had bowel problems. And today she doesn't consume that stuff and it is better. For me, it doesn't matter what I eat I will still have issues. I am so done with life. I get pushed of and my siblings get everything. She spoils one and that person doesn't even have to do anything. I am left to pick up after them all. My father doesn't even care if we get bugs from his crumbs and stuff everywhere. She blames me. I have contemplated suicide for a long time. I am at my last straw. If I told her any of this she would laugh. Make fun of me and tell other people. I really can't do this anymore. I have no support or place to go. What should I do. Please help me.