I'm 24 now and I've contemplated suicide on and off for 13 years. I was recently released from the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I stayed on ward for almost a week and they started me on zyprexa for modd stabilization and ativan for panic anxiety. It's only been a few days and at the end of each day I start to feel really horrible again, like I want to die. Should I have stayed in the hospital? Sometimes I really want to kill myself and other times the thoughts are there but they just scare me and I don't want to act on them. I had a lead on finding a therapist but I just found out today that she isn't covered by my insurance so there goes that. I feel so weak and hopeless and alone. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.