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What to do?

#1
I'm always thinking about suicide so how can I feel safe? I never am Safe especially when I'm around people and knowing everything repeats itself in the universe.
If one problem happens it'd happen with the next person. and the next...
It doesn't matter what you try to do even with yourself.

I'm so used to doing self-harm I don't even feel the pain no more.
I know its bad thing when you can't feel pain no more but I don't know what to do about it.

Everything is becoming a blur in life. Everything is on pause when I don't feel safe.

I don't know how to continue on when life is on pause because I don't feel safe.

Nothing is good anymore so why be good to myself?

Nothing is good anymore so why should I enjoy myself?

Nothing helps to keep me feel safe. Because the same thing always happens.

I get so sick and tired of it but there is nothing I can do about it when things are on pause.

I just want to be able to do something about everything in my life. Everything is a blur because my mental health is slipping. It affects my vision to where it becomes blurry.
I shutdown completely at times and don't know how to handle it accept lay there completely shut down and hope I just sleep it off. But that is not always the case.
I'm sick of being this way. I don't know what to do with myself anymore or anything. Even if I try to ignore my problems the problems just end up getting worse. It doesn't matter what I try to do. Its always the same answer. Am I better off dead since my life is on pause when ever I'm suicidal?
 

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