What to do

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Lead Savior, Jan 27, 2008.

  1. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I actively choose to do nothing with the days that are handed to me. I sedate my mind with mundane, wasteful tasks just so I don't feel as though I am trapped at the bottom of a well with only the ability to keep my head above water, with endurance becoming an hourglass.

    I have choices. I could join the military and walk away from this life for a few years or join the California conservation corps and walk away from this life for a few months. Maybe some self-imposed exile with draw this madness out of me.

    I could get some meaningless job just to make money and move in with friends or one of my brothers.

    Some standardized, television-fed dogma that lingers in me says I should try to "find someone", perhaps alleviating some isolation at least. I don't think my cure lies in someone else, though. I have heard of people being happy alone, I think I should be able to attain that also. Maybe I am too proud to admit that someone else holds the key to me.

    Or I could give up on everything and walk away forever.

    I only want to escape this feeling of wasted time and limbo, I no longer have a preference toward any of my choices.

    I am ambivalent, indifferent, or just too afraid to get up and try to make change for myself is the issue, so I just let time pass by and live with regret. I am only 22, I have a bachelor of science degree from a more than decent university, but I feel as though I have already failed at life and that there is no redeeming myself. Why?
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Lead Savior

    Hey hun. Firstly :hug:

    I'm sorry you are struggling with things in your life. I don't think just trying to find someone will completely illeviate your isolation. Yes, you will feel some void filled but I don't think it will 100% take away your pain. I think you should really dig deep inside adn try to figure out what it is that is causing it all. I'm sure it's easier said then done but you shoudl try.

    Please know my PM box is always open and if you have MSN feel free to PM me your msn and I will add you. :hug:
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know exactly how you feel Lead Savior. Except I'm a few years younger. 18. Every day I feel is a waste. Every second we have to choose something to do, and there's never anything of any importance to do.
    I don't know. Reading about Buddhism has helped somewhat. Pick up a book on it if you have some free time. They talk about how nothing matters and basically we'd all be happier if we stopped searching for answers and just realize we are already complete.
    I also got out of it that it's impossible to "fail". We have always and will always be a success. I'm at the lowest point in my life. No job, dropped out of school, lost my girlfriend, but I still consider myself a success. I will always be. We're all only doing the best we can.
    Hope you find some purpose or a job that you might enjoy. Or at least a job that you might enjoy the people you work with :hug: