I actively choose to do nothing with the days that are handed to me. I sedate my mind with mundane, wasteful tasks just so I don't feel as though I am trapped at the bottom of a well with only the ability to keep my head above water, with endurance becoming an hourglass. I have choices. I could join the military and walk away from this life for a few years or join the California conservation corps and walk away from this life for a few months. Maybe some self-imposed exile with draw this madness out of me. I could get some meaningless job just to make money and move in with friends or one of my brothers. Some standardized, television-fed dogma that lingers in me says I should try to "find someone", perhaps alleviating some isolation at least. I don't think my cure lies in someone else, though. I have heard of people being happy alone, I think I should be able to attain that also. Maybe I am too proud to admit that someone else holds the key to me. Or I could give up on everything and walk away forever. I only want to escape this feeling of wasted time and limbo, I no longer have a preference toward any of my choices. I am ambivalent, indifferent, or just too afraid to get up and try to make change for myself is the issue, so I just let time pass by and live with regret. I am only 22, I have a bachelor of science degree from a more than decent university, but I feel as though I have already failed at life and that there is no redeeming myself. Why?