What to do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keyalle, Jan 31, 2008.

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  1. Keyalle

    Keyalle New Member

    I'm in college, I'm 21, and theoretically everything should be going well for me- I have extremely high grades and I'm a really good athlete. But I've been lonely and unhappy for years and I've been thinking about suicide on and off since tenth grade. I had to go to a college I didn't like as much because of money, and for all my efforts I just never fit in here. I got to go to another school for a while, but when I came back I found that my friends had either graduated or changed and I felt more miserable than ever. I was going out and partying, trying to be social, but I just kept falling apart more and more.

    I finally did it a month and a half ago- I took about 50-60 pills of Ultram and ten drinks of alcohol and ran away from my house; I didn't tell anyone where I was going, and I almost died in the ER. I've been on medications for four months and I've been getting counseling, but I still just don't want to live. I feel so indifferent to everything, and the only thing holding me back is my promise not to do it again. Even this is starting to fade now, because when I told my Mom I might need to drop out of this semester she started asking me what else I would do, pointing out all the reasons it was a bad idea, etc. I just don't know what to do; I can't study, I can't be around people, all I can do is climb into bed and stare at the wall, wishing I didn't exist. I just don't know what to do. I don't really know what I'm expecting to get out of writing all this, I think I'm just desperate.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2008
  2. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i know exactly how you feel, i couldnt even afford this semester and i caught hell for it, still am. still being told how stupid i am, and i sit alone in my room every night in the dark wishing i didnt exist, and it hurts to be honest, that feeling that youre not loved. but sweetheart im gonna let you in on a little secret, i feel a little better everytime i talk to someone here, it takes that pain you have and replaces it with the most purest of love, something everyone lones to feel. hell ill be your friend. just pm me when you want to talk and i have msn messenger, plus access to the chat room, so when you need me, just let me know, and ill get there asap for you. i think youre not dead yet because someone has big plans for you, dont forget that. youre someone special and dont ever let anyone tell you different. >_<v <---my rock on avatar..lol
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