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What to do

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wheresmysheep, May 3, 2009.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    As few, or perhaps none of you know; i do not know my birth father. i was adopted by the man i call 'dad' when i was born, and he married my mother so i wouldnt be born out of wedlock(a stupid catholic sin)
    now, the guy that adopted me, tried to molest me when i was 14 and has subsequently denied it when i confronted him about it(long story) but i still see him regularly (av. twice a month) and its as if my accusation never happened.
    but i am starting to consider meeting my birth father.. i want to meet him, see if he is in anyway interested in me. who i am etc.
    but i know these trials can be tough. i dunno, its a twisted path. i am also (stupidly) concerned for hurting my adoptive dads feelings for going to find my real dad.
    i know i shouldnt considering what he did. but i still am......

    any guidance? or words of advice? :unsure:
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's just my opinion, but if you really want to meet him, I say go for it!! After what your adopted father tried to do to you, his feelings really shouldn't matter much. I know that sounded harsh, but he had no right to try and hurt you.
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    This is a difficult path you are setting out on and may prove painful but if it's what you want to do then I believe it is right that you do.
    I really don't think you need to waste any sympathy on your adoptive dad, in fact any adoptive parent knows that this time will come sooner or later.
    I wish you luck in your search and I hope everything turns out well.
    Am here if you ever want to talk.

    :hug: Hazel xx
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    If you want to do it then you should go for it. If you don't you'll always be left wondering 'what if'. Do it with an open mind though as it may not be easy.

    I have experience of what you're going through but I don't want to go into the full story here. I found my real Dad when I was 14. It was something that I had to do for me. I spent a long time trying to protect my Stepdad & I shouldn't have because he never gave a damn about me but at the same time I was afraid of hurting his feelings. After everything that we'd been through I still wanted to be his little girl, looking back though I don't think I ever was.

    Anyways, I'm rambling here but I do know what it feels like hun :hug:.

    If you ever want to talk I'm about. xx
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hey em,

    I think it may be beneficial meeting him IF he is a responsible decent person. There's nothing much to gain from meeting an equally horrible father figure (quite literally). Though if its something that you strongly feel compelled to do, then don't let your adoptive father's opinion or feelings bother you. You can talk to an adoption counselor about meeting your birth father. They can better introduce you to risks and what not.

    Either way, :hugs:

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