My whole life ive been just concerned with my appearance and how im perceived by others. Ive always been caught up with things ive done and physical problems. And for the first time recently ive gotten over all that. I thought it was a good thing I really did. But now i realize what makes me happy and want I truly want from life. And that is love. And ive tried and tried to reach out to women or to find women willing to give me a chance. And not one single girl will let me love them. I am starting to honestly think about suicide. Before when i mentioned or though about suicide it was more of a way of getting back at my problems or peopole in my life however crazy that sounds. But this time my suicidal feelings are real and they pertain just to me and no one else. I dont think I can live a life where no one will love me or let me love them. This girl recently hung out with me so I thought she would give me a chance. But its just icing on the cake. I realize even she wont answer my calls or call me or anything and she wants nothing to do with me. Let alone let me love her. I dont know what to do. Im 20 years old and its pathetic as shit but i find myself hugging and kissing my pillow every night. Ive never cried in maybe 8 years. And ive cried almost every night of the past week. I dont think anyone will ever love me. On top fo that I have a physical problem that prevents me from having sex. And thats another reason I feel I will never find someone who will love me. Is there anything you can say to me to make me feel better besides saying just give it time you will find someone eventually. Because that isnt going to help and I seriously need to hear something thats gonna give me hope.i Thank you for listening.