What to do?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Daydreams, Oct 16, 2009.

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  1. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    My boyfriend recently found out that I've been self harming and well, wants me to quit. Say's that I should be able to do it for him kinda thing but, I don't feel like it works that way and I'm having a really hard time lately not doing it as I've had seriously bad downward spirals lately.

    I don't know what to tell him, I don't want to loose him but he keeps demanding I stop and its making me feel really pathetic that I can't seem to.

    What can I do? It's not as if I can hide the cuts and every time I try to quit I feel like I'm loosing my mind... Just looking for some advice, maybe someone else has been through the same thing I dont know?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    explain to him that you will try but there will be times you slip up as it is very hard to break a coping skill that has worked for you. Maybe talk with therapist or when you feel like cutting talk to boyfriend to get him to distract you Be open with him and ask him for support and that you will do your best that is all you can do.
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You can also post here when you need to. This forum has a diary section for members or you can post in the regular forum. Perhaps begin a daily post to discuss stresses in your life before they become so big that you would cut.

    :hug:
     
  4. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Thanks you two <3 I'll try those...
     
  5. Aneurysm

    Aneurysm Member

    I had the same problem with my girlfriend... she brought in the "if you love me..." card and it's really hard to defend yourself against that.. I told her that it was apart of me long before she was and it was something i needed to get over without her help, because if i relied too much on her and someday she wasnt there for whatever reason, it would more than likely come back a lot harder. I also tried to explain it to her, and we made deals, like I had to tell her when i felt like i wanted to, and we'd talk it over and stuff..

    hope it works out for you.
     
  6. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    dont forget..this is new for him...so in our language its mean: " I accept u as u are" and cos he donno how to make u feel better he says " Quit" but what he ment " we will try to gother to improve this & our relation". dont forget also hes aboy,they always try to hind there feeling.

    and since he said "u should be able to do it for him kinda thing" that mean he love u,so dont be afraid to exiplain to him what u r feeling.since he accipt u about the main topic "self harming" he well accipt anything
     
  7. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    yes, youd think that, that would be the case. Sadly though he never wants to talk about it, he'd rather I didn't say anything about it at all to him actually.
    So yer... it'd be nice if he cared enough to listen, though I don't think it's a case of not caring, more that he has his own things going on and is too stressed to deal with me and my issues, I don't know. Time will tell, I have a feeling his just going to dump me and get back with his ex...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2009
  8. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    did u tell him u feel ignored? and that u need his help to be able to "get out" of this, and how u need him to help u? may be there is a lot more talking needed more than" i feel i cant stop" or anything related to the si problem. Sometimes relationships can improve out of a crisis :)
    or may be he doesnt know how to approach on the subjet.My boyfriend was like that. Is like that i should say, he doesnt know what to say because he fears it might trigger me, so whenever he sees im not too well, he looks for ways to distract me. Even if he doesnt say anything, i see he does it.
    and never forget some people takes longer than other to understand exacly whats going on, or how they feel about it.
     
  9. Nosferatu

    Nosferatu Well-Known Member

    I dont know your boyfriend or what hes like but a lot of people struggle with the idea of self harming, its one of those things thats easier to pretend isnt there for a lot of people than dealing with it.

    Any stresses he has can make that situation worse of course as he will be coping with them at the same time and knowing that someone you care about is cutting themselves can be hard to deal with anyway, not that he shouldnt know either. If you can try to find a time for the two of you to sit down and talk about what is on both your minds you might find that you can both move forward in the right direction.
    Not talking about it will never solve the problem and can sometimes end up being worse in the finish. I hope that you can work it out with him Daydream and take care of yourself.
     
  10. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for your insights and ideas, much appreciated.
     
  11. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    im glad and hope it helped u!
     
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