Its been a good while since I have logged in here.. I lost internet service and just got it back a few weeks ago. I just now felt the need to log in here... I really have no idea whats going on in my life and every time I think I have some idea it crumbles.. My son just came home a little bit ago. He stayed lastnight with my Dad because our gas was off. Anyhow..I moved the furniture around while he was gone. He came running inside and tripped. Feel down, spilled the dogs water everywhere and knocked a knot on his head. His Dad starts screaming at him for falling down and breaking the dogs bowl. He fell down, a accident, and he didnt break the damn water bowl... Then his dad gets all pissy because he wouldnt accept his appology... Then I ask my husband to put his tools away and he throws them in the floor... So this isnt a crisis really but I didnt know where else to post this.. I dont feel like my life is in crisis but then again its been this way for years so I dont know..My point of this post is.... My husband turns into super jerk when our son comes home from my Dads (or my moms).. We seem to get on alright when our boys not home..But as soon as he steps foot into the house it changes..What did I do..What did he do..What can we do to help change this... I know I didnt want to have the baby (whos nearly five now)..I know I begged someone to drive me to a abortion clinic..I will admit my life is sort of ruined in a sence..I love my son (so dont accuse me of saying I dont)..Im just wondering if my attitude has some how effected his? Im scizoeffective..Im a little crazy...Im a little unsure of things..I get confused easy..I change my mind a lot..My feelings show and Im not afraid to say what Im thinking..Did I somehow make him turn this way..My moms a mental health worker and she explained it to me like this.. When people are treated a certain way or deal with someone elses behavior for so long they build defences..What can I do to help change this? I try to take down my walls and his stay up (which force me to rebuild mine)...I love my husband..I know I bitch a lot about him and sometimes I over do it a little (I can admit that).. I love him and I know deep down he loves me..I just wish I could help him..Helping him would help us..Then I could start to help me..