I find it really difficult to reach to others for help, but here i am. Been to hospital today. Not had the biopsy. The doctor had a look around and decided not to do it today.I've got to go for a stay in hospital while they take a biopsy,cameras etc.I' ve got to go seperately for a pre op, op while they do other tests too. I'm going to be off work for a minimum of a week, not allowed to drive etc.while they remove whatever needs to be removed.And i still don't really know whats going on, because they won't say what they are looking for. Maybe i don't ask enough questions. There were two medical students sitting in. Did i mind if they stay? Of course i mind if they stay. I don't know how i got there in the first place. Thats not like me at all. They missed an experience i feel really guilty about. I told my boss, and she said she won't book out anymore work to me now ( because she does'nt want to reallocate, if i have to cancel). So now faced with no work for an indefinite period. No work, no money, no home, no body I've thought seriously about it, and almost 100% decided not to go for the tests. I'll ring the hospital tomorrow, and tell them why.I simply can't afford not to go to work. The state won't help me, because, tecnically. i'm working. Whats the point? when i don't care whether i live or die anyway? All i do is live to work, to have money to go to work, to go to work. I have no quality of life anyway. So why the fuck am i continuing to go out to work? I can't continue this life, like this Let what will be, be?