What to do..?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Mystic, Jul 23, 2010.

  1. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do.

    So this week has been a bad week. Work being as crap as ever is only one thing I have to contend with. Today, has been a bad day because I'm getting more and more sick, I have secondary oseto-arthritis in my right hip which has limited my walking to a couple of hundred yards. My tremors are significantly worse as I now have tics and twitches in my eye, face, leg and fingers and my eyesight has deteriorated in the last two weeks.

    I may be losing my job within the next month or so, my life at home gets worse, I had an accident in my car earlier and now I have money issues. I have bad neighbours and I have to live with noise.

    And my social life continues its 49th year of being zero.

    Any reason to contiune with this??
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry for what you're going through. :( Are there any treatment options for the arthritis?

    :hug: I wish I had some advice that would help, but just wanted you to know I care and I read your post.
  3. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    As you said, this has been a bad week. Don't give up.

    I wish I had all the answers for you, but I do understand job worries and physical pain. I've had both to deal with, too. I've struggled with home life, too.

    I really hope you don't give up. Spoil yourself -- you deserve it.
  4. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    Hip replacement. I dislocated my hip when I was 14 and my father wouldn't let me go to a doctor for six weeks, which caused severe bone deformity and damaged the cartildge. Now, many years later...I'm like this.

    A hip replacement would leave me crippled and unable to work. It would leave me unable to look after myself for at least 6 weeks-3months. But as I don't have anyone...its not an option.
  5. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    Today is Saturday. Its a nice sunny day out. Very few cars parked in my street where everyone has gone out to take advantage of the weather.

    I, on the other hand, get to watch this. I am sitting by my window with nothing to do, no where to go, nobody to do anything with, because going out is no fun by myself.

    So its the middle of the afternoon....and I'm half drunk. It takes the pain away. I never used to drink, but now I have found life loses its bitter edge when my brain can slightly lose focus on reality. A reality which does nothing but torture me.

    This afternoon, I cleaned out my Facebook account and deleted the 185 so-called "friends" who have never bothered to speak to me (even though I have tried to speak to them), so I can now comment and post stuff to myself. What fun that is. :mad:

    So what am I going to be doing tonight? Getting hideously drunk, having nothing else to do and no reason not to. Watch a load of crap on the TV, or simply go to bed because I'm bored. Tomorrow, I may not even bother getting out of bed. Its all pointless. Life is pointless. Death on the other hand has its value and reward.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're right, going out by yourself is no fun!! :hug: I'm sorry your Saturday sucked!
  7. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    Thanks WildCherry.

    So having just sat around today, its time to go to bed. I woke up feeling sick and hung over, drank some more, now I feel sick again.

    I wish there was something I could do to end all this, I have had enough.

    I am tired.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

  9. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I have not had any sleep for two days. Things were just piling up in my head that there was no chance of ever going to sleep, so I played stupid computer games all night just to pass the time.

    I went to work feeling totally detached from everything. Sleep deprevation got to me about midday and I just downed strong coffee until I got home. Even though I am mentally exhusted, I'm too tired to go to sleep. Today has been a blur, and I can't recall anything...or what I'm supposed to do at work tomorrow. I've not eaten anything substantial for ages..I'm just not hungry.

    I'm starting to get some ideas about doing a class at nightschool. No idea what. My head is totally messed up. I don't have interests or hobbies. It just seemed a good idea. I probably won't, knowing from past experience I'd only regret going. I'm just so ^%$£^&g bored!!
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Ugh, I hate that feeling where you're literally too tired to sleep.

    Thinking about the night class might be easier once you've had some sleep. Right now, everything is probably sort of a blur.

    Hope you managed to eat something, even something small! :hug:
  11. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I am wondering if I am posting stuff like this in the wrong place. I don't know why, but I have the urge to maybe post what nonsense is going through the brain at the moment...apologies in advance to any mods.

    So today I got into serious trouble at work. I couldn't concentrate on anything and had to come home early to get to bed. Once there, I couldn't rest. Tomorrow, I calling in sick. I have had no real rest and very little to eat for the past few days. I made an appointment with my doc who won't see me for at least two weeks - I would rather see my own instead of someone else.

    I guess I feel 'empty' right now. I am tired, but not enough to sleep and I'm eating just enough to take the pangs away, but I just don't want anything beyond that. I seem to have a thousand things in my head, but no enough energy to spend any one anything.

  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No need to apologize, you're posting in the right place. :)

    I think calling in sick tomorrow is a good idea; maybe you'll be able to get some rest.

    I know what you mean about wanting to see your doctor instead of someone else. When you like your doctor and have seen him for a while, it's easier because he kind of knows you. With someone else, it's like having to start all over again.
  13. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I stayed away from work yesterday. My arthritis was killing me and walking was painful anyway. Back to work and to the same old grind.

    Worse thing is, I didn't want to come home. It was only by sheer boredom and the prospect of driving around in circles with no where to go lead me to come home with the prospect of spending two days with nothing to do except wait for Monday again. At least it will be August and thats another month to cross of my wasted life. Whats the point of all that??
  14. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I thought for a while it might be somehow useful if i started a sort of diary about my day-to-day life.

    But I think I'm wasting my time, so I'm not going to bother anymore as I'm filling up space on the NG.

    I could somehow cope with SF if people just wrote to me and told me not to come here anymore.

    At least I would know where I stand.
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you think starting a diary would be wasting your time?